0:00

you you bring up community and that is such a huge part of what moms without a

0:07

mom's uh struggle with because we biologically are not designed to provide

0:15

everything an infant requires on our own and yet our society and culture really

0:22

promotes this idea of doing it all being it all and being independent and on your own and what's wrong with you if you

0:29

can't right well there's nothing wrong with you you're not designed to do

0:38

that greetings hello good day wherever you are in this beautiful wonderful world thank you for joining true Hope

0:43

cast the official podcast of true hope Canada my name is Simon and I am your host true hope Canada is a mind and body

0:49

based supplement company that is dedicated first and foremost to promoting brain and body Health through non-invasive nutritional means for more

0:56

information about us you can visit true hopec canada.com today today I welcome psychologist and postpartum coach

1:02

Melissa Riley to the show as a clinical psychologist and postpartum coach Melissa loves to help moms without a mom

1:09

heal through grief build community feel Joy in motherhood and move from feelings of isolation insecurity and overwhelm to

1:16

a place of confidence and resilience today Melissa and I will discuss the difficulty of facing significant life

1:22

challenges without a key support figure enjoy the show okay hi Melissa good day

1:28

how are you feeling today what is going well I am doing well Simon thank you and

1:34

what's going well is that right now in Pennsylvania where I am the sun is

1:40

shining and it's a lovely start to the day glad to hear that that's beautiful

1:46

well for those people who don't know who you are and what you do maybe you could just let us know as a as an introduction

1:54

sure my name is Dr Melissa Riley I am a clinical psychologist and have been for

1:59

20 2 2 years now and I am also a parent coach and I specialize in working with

2:07

moms without a mom that's very very

2:16

nichy I don't you know I don't can you there many people in that Circle no actually um there the the

2:25

condition of being a mom without a mom is actually really very common or it's more common than we think so being a mom

2:32

without a mom means that you are separated from your own mother by either death um emotional Arrangement or

2:41

significant physical distance so um

2:46

there's a lot of us out there but nobody is talking about it so we are often left

2:52

um feeling very alone in that situation so that is why I decided to start

2:58

talking about it and focus more on it so that women that are part of this um

3:05

category uh feel heard and seen that's amazing how how did you

3:13

Niche up into into that particular Market you know from from education into and then obviously into like practicing

3:20

how did that I'm sure it didn't just like happen overnight what's this what's the backstory

3:26

then no it didn't start overnight actually um if you had asked me 20 years

3:31

ago if that would would be what I was doing I would say no um but it it's you

3:37

know I think a big part of it was through my own personal experience so I

3:43

um focused on Career earlier in life so I'm a a later to life Mom myself and

3:50

um um when I became a mother in my um late 30s I was very surprised by a

4:00

Resurgence in the grief that I had felt for my own mother now my mom had passed

4:05

away when I was 25 years old and um so I

4:10

had gone through the grieving process and and figured everything was just fine

4:17

and uh like I said I'm a psychologist so I figured I I knew what I was doing in

4:22

fact I had even taught child and human development at The Graduate level uh

4:28

several times so you know I knew Child Development I knew all about babies I knew all about parenting in fact I

4:34

helped people with parenting so when I became pregnant and was going through

4:39

that process I began to notice just how alone insecure and overwhelmed I was

4:46

feeling um and recognized that I did not have my go-to person like the the

4:52

natural people that we would typically ask uh questions of in my life didn't

4:57

exist I didn't have a mom I didn't have family close by and the friends that um I was close with their

5:06

children were teenagers and young adults so I was out of sink so here I was you

5:12

know professional woman uh well educated um you know confident in who I

5:19

was professionally and personally having this newborn baby that threw me for a

5:25

complete Loop and that's when I recognized that I was really really struggling and I started noticing

5:32

myself longing for my mom um I started

5:37

reexperiencing a lot of the sadness and isolation I had felt during the grieving

5:43

process I also found myself really questioning my own competence which

5:49

isn't something I I did much uh prior so I knew that was tied in with some older

5:56

stuff um from earlier in my life um that the grief was re-triggering and so you know fast

6:03

forward several years and looking back on that

6:09

experience I still when I see videos and pictures it still hits me of just how

6:16

difficult and alone and honestly Simon shameful I felt during that time um I

6:22

felt a lot of Shame over my inability to um cope and that's how I described it I

6:30

I felt like I wasn't coping but looking back I recognized it it wasn't about

6:35

coping I was I was grieving and didn't even realize it so um in my clinical

6:42

practice as a psychologist I I treat a lot of moms right and I was very comfortable in working with Mom's

6:49

postpartum and parenting in general and I just started to notice that my clients

6:56

that didn't have mothers seem to have very similar

7:01

experiences but didn't understand or have the words to describe it um so the

7:08

more I looked into it and the more research I started doing with regards to you know what was out there in the field

7:15

I discovered that there really isn't much of anything out there in the field there isn't a lot of information about

7:22

the impact that the loss of a mother uh whether through um uh death estrangement

7:29

or physical distance has on a postpartum mother or motherhood in general so I um

7:36

became very interested and started looking into it more myself just amazing I think that's to to

7:43

lead you to that type of uh very particular type of practice is just it's

7:49

just remarkable and I'm sure the fact that it's actually quite mindblowing that no one ever really thought about

7:55

that type of thing before because obviously it's so incredibly valuable and important you know your parents and

8:01

especially your mother as you know becoming a mother as well what's the literature like in regards to

8:08

um parental loss and its effect on adulthood I mean there must I mean

8:15

what's what's the literature like on that um well it's it's pretty sparse

8:21

actually um we talk there's there's a lot more information with regards to um

8:27

you know typical you know grief or uh complicated grief um in uh DSM there's

8:34

you know that now that new section of of uh complicated grief um as

8:40

well um and it's correlation with depression but it there isn't literature

8:47

that talks about its impact on parenting um and and how that becomes

8:56

influenced so when a when a person experiences grief um and and the loss of

9:03

a parent you know we tend to have um not only the the symptoms or the experiences

9:09

we recognize as grief so the crying the sadness the pain and the memories but it

9:15

also impacts sleep it impacts our desire to connect and bond with other people

9:22

many also experience feelings of guilt you know the sense of how how can I be happy how can my life go on when this

9:29

other person um's life isn't going on um and unfortunately as a parent that

9:37

bonding in that ability to connect and the ability to experience Joy is such an

9:43

important process for the developing child to be part of and so grief then

9:49

further complicates the the bonding and attachment um as well as the the

9:55

identity development of the the woman as a mother

10:01

I think it's interesting that I've never really thought about this in too much depth before but

10:06

obviously your mother has a very important role as when you're a child to you know to parent you and to guide you

10:13

and to teach you and to keep you safe and you know all the way up to let's say 18 and then you kind of like you leave

10:19

the nest you go and do your own thing but then there's a second stage in parenting when your child becomes a

10:27

parent that is an incredibly h huge I mean I've got two young kids and it's parenting is the most difficult thing on

10:33

the planet without question there's nothing else if you've not been a parent yet you've got no idea but um right

10:39

there comes this second stage you have you have young kids and you've got this like crazy little thing that you've not

10:47

no idea what to do with because You' obviously had no past experience of having your own child and it only makes sense that you would have your parents

10:54

and especially your mother with that you know maternal instinct to be able to um support you and guide you and just like

11:01

you know give you a helping hand and letting you know that everything's going to be okay things come in stages there's phases here everything's going to be all

11:07

right but to not you know I couldn't could not think my mom's without question one of the most important people in my life you know she is

11:14

literally a lifesaver and um it's remarkable that yeah we have that we do

11:19

have that second stage and so many people don't have it you know we we have this world now where people live tens of

11:26

th thousands of miles away from each other or or you know parents don't talk to each other or parents aren't around

11:32

anymore and there's this absolutely wild disconnect from when we would have been in very small communities where you know

11:38

we would have had you know all of these Generations under the same roof definitely in the same community in the

11:44

same town and even if um even if that family member was maybe not around I

11:49

feel like within a community like grandparents and other people's parents would have filled that role as part of

11:55

the community and it's quite it's just quite a remarkable um State of Affairs and and it would only

12:02

make sense to me that grief and isolation and depression and all these

12:07

things would come if that relationship that significantly powerful relationship

12:13

was not even present and all you could do was kind of worry and be concerned and be anxious

12:21

about the future and depressed about the past without that individual there and you would think about that individual and the loss and the grief and yeah and

12:27

it would just all come rushing back you would get flooded straight back to that situation where it was you know really

12:33

raw and really real and kind of brand new really uh really amazing

12:39

stuff yes and you know I think you bring up community and that is such a huge

12:47

part of what moms without a moms uh struggle with because we biologically

12:54

are not designed to provide everything an infant requires on our own and yet

13:03

our society and culture really promotes this idea of doing it all being it all

13:08

and being independent and on your own and what's wrong with you if you can't right well there's nothing wrong with

13:14

you you're not designed to do that um and and so we are built as human beings

13:20

to be in community um you know and I can go off on that tangent forever uh but

13:26

there are are so many you know so many many aspects of that and you know one of

13:31

the things that I talk with moms all the time about is when you are creating a

13:38

community is to really look at the strengths of the people in your life and

13:43

recognize what they are and then ask them for assistance based on those strengths so for example right I think

13:50

it's unrealistic for us to expect any one person to meet a lot of our needs in

13:57

the same way that a mom would so I always encourage women to find another

14:02

wise woman so this would be somebody where they can ask questions up like this woman you know knows the answers

14:08

knows how to find the answers and can be a provider of that information another person should be

14:15

that emotional support so who is the person you can just call up and you know

14:21

talk about your sadness and and your excitement and your worries and they

14:26

just listen you know and then another person to be your go-getter right I have

14:33

a particular friend who is really good at getting things done so if I need

14:38

laundry done she comes gets it does it need groceries picked up she comes does it right but these individuals right

14:46

each have different strengths so I wouldn't necessarily call on my go-getter friend to be that emotional

14:52

serp because that support because that just isn't who she is so one of the

14:57

things that a lot of moms struggle with is this idea of burdening other people as if helping us is a burden that's just

15:03

silly but anyway so I recommend you know if there are four people in your

15:11

life think about what their strengths are and if you can ask each person to help you for one hour

15:20

a month and let's come on let's face it no matter how busy you are in life most of us wouldn't bat an eyelash to help a

15:27

friend 1 hour once a month and so you have four friends you're able to do that

15:33

then you have an hour of assistance in whatever way you need every week and and

15:39

that alone can be such a huge um benefit to moms that are feeling isolated

15:46

inone yeah what a um what a great way to actually like individualize other people's strengths

15:53

and the people around you and not ask yourself to do all of those one things especially but being able to

15:59

recognize who does have these strengths and having the um having the honesty with yourself to

16:05

actually be able to ask for help I think that's a huge problem in our culture is we don't like asking for help we don't asking for support for sure we don't

16:12

want to burden people but I think a lot of people just do not have the humility to be able to actually ask for help I

16:17

think we have a big problem with that um but yeah that's definitely step one of creating a community is is is being open

16:24

being vulnerable to knowing that you have limitations and you can make mistakes but you know it's so important

16:30

to be able to um be open be honest to yourself and without question there's people who who who love you and around

16:38

you are going to going to do everything that they possibly can and yeah one hour a week or one hour a month I think is

16:43

unbelievably doable for most people um right you mentioned a little bit before

16:48

about kind of what grief looks like at a basic level as like an individual thank you for that why I just wonder why it's

16:55

so easy for so many people to slip into isolation and Desperation and

17:01

insecurity um why do we do that so quickly and why why why is it that we don't um jump to community and jump and

17:09

ask for help ra rather rather than that we kind of slip into a you know a kind of dark psychological

17:16

hole and we built and you know we we dig it deeper and deeper what what's the what happens

17:23

there well because I think um most many of the cultural shifts that we've

17:29

experienced over the last and 150 years have really decreased how we as uh

17:38

families and communities live our life so this idea of a nuclear family of you

17:46

know uh parents and children living in isolation providing 100% of their needs

17:53

for themselves and being very independent is what is celebrated and uh

17:58

promoted in our society and so when you so to to

18:04

step out of that feels very contrary to what is the norm when the reality is is

18:12

is it isn't the norm it's it's what's portrayed as the norm and those two things are are very different um and so

18:20

then again when we are doing what is very appropriate and that's seeking community and being around others we

18:28

feel like there is something wrong with us and there aren't enough of us talking

18:34

about that now thankfully I think some of that's changing a little bit I I think with social media there's both a a

18:42

a very positive side and and you know a dangerous side I think in some ways social media can isolate us further

18:49

because it can provide the illusion of community but not necessarily actual

18:55

connections but it can also provide some normalization of what is actually

19:01

happening out there um and I think particularly during the pandemic there was a real uptick in you know um

19:09

individuals kind of saying I am not okay and and people echoing that so that that

19:14

that was good uh but we again our our bodies

19:20

biologically are not in sync with the the fast-paced nature of how Society is

19:26

changing um so Society is changing much faster than we are um and so you know

19:31

podcasts like this become so important for for us to normalize how appropriate

19:38

it is for us to reach out and be with others and and and share our struggles

19:43

so so that we know where to get assistance and how to get assistance and that there isn't something wrong with

19:49

you because you're seeking out what is so normal and

19:55

natural do you is there a common type of pati that you have like I'm talking in

20:00

regards to like the age of the children that they might have so the mothers that come and speak to you is I mean I'm sure they have kids of all different ages but

20:07

is there like um an age group of kids that's more common than not like infants

20:14

toddlers teenagers um you know I

20:21

usually absolutely full absolutely full range um but I think postpartum the the

20:27

first few years post partum tend to be the most difficult and so um many women

20:34

will will come in at that time because they're struggling so much and yet that

20:40

is a time that getting assistance is so hard because they just feel so

20:45

overwhelmed and so I know when I work with with moms I always encourage them

20:51

to bring their their babies in right don't feel like you need um to to leave

20:57

your baby bring bring your baby in and and I'm part of that Dynamic and and

21:03

that's also something that I think is really important a mother should never feel like she needs to separate from her

21:08

child uh to get her own needs met so say I'm a father listening to this

21:15

podcast and my mother sorry my mother my partner does not have a mother doesn't

21:22

have that role whether that be distance or absence complete absence um

21:28

what are my beg what would my beginning steps be you know I like to think a lot of like fathers and and men out there

21:34

are listening to something like this but what what would their F what would their actions be would you

21:41

recommend first and foremost patience and compassion because the longing for a mom

21:48

does not mean that you as a partner aren't being supportive and doing what

21:54

you need so I think it's so important to recognize that that you can be the most

21:59

amazing loving partner spouse you know companion to your wife and she still may

22:06

feel very isolated and alone without her mother so I think the first the first

22:12

step is is to be patient you know with her in that process and to know that you

22:19

are doing what you need to do continue to support continue to provide and encourage her to seek out

22:26

others in addition to you you uh because the way women relate with other women is

22:33

different than how they relate to men typically there there are actual biological differences in in brain

22:41

function um you know we know that through functional MRIs and and and

22:46

those kinds of brain scans and things like that but there are differences in the way that um male brains and female

22:53

brains uh communicate and um recognize

22:58

personal interaction now that doesn't mean that you know the way we relate um

23:04

can't change or alter you know over time um and and be very loving and and

23:09

fulfilling that's not what I'm I'm trying to say here but I I want the men listening to this podcast to to feel

23:16

empowered and uplifted even if they're

23:22

um uh Partners still miss their mom despite everything they're doing

23:30

them and there's so much missing in regards to I feel like education and

23:37

what you know what I feel I mean there's you can't as a as a brand new parent there there's so much you just don't

23:43

know and can't expect and that you won't read in a book or you won't listen to in a podcast but there's also I think there

23:50

certain there's a lot of things that clearly could have I could have known before being a parent that I could have

23:55

been prepared for um especially yeah I mean there's some of

24:00

the aspects to it I mean the the stress of it all and the expectation and like what we're talking about like right now

24:06

with like you know you become you know when you have kid I feel like when you have when you have kids you really find

24:12

out that you've got the right partner you know because you go through the absolute trenches of absolutely everything and it really like helps you

24:19

figure out oh my God I mean in my personal circumstances I've married the right person there's no question about

24:25

that and my two young kids have have made that massively clear but there's so

24:30

much that we don't learn whether it's in school or it's in these like mothering classes or in these prenatal classes

24:37

that um know we learn about the birthing and we learn about the this this and all

24:43

kind of the Practical I suppose the Practical side of having a baby but the

24:48

the psycho emotional side of things is is ma I feel massively massively lacking you know I was looking for this type of

24:54

information actively before I had kids because I really wanted to be you know prepared you know I'm a nutritionist so

25:00

I could do I could do the physical stuff you know I could make sure I was taking care of my physical body but what do you

25:05

think is missing from our education for for parents

25:11

pre-child oh I think a lot of the psychological work you know the the

25:18

experience of you know bonding and how do you connect and how do you normalize

25:24

those those um experiences of insecurity I think it's so hard to

25:32

find you know the supportive helpful voices out there and

25:38

so you know I couldn't I couldn't find you know many that I mean there is this

25:45

this one wonderful book called um uh motherless daughters um out there but

25:51

that's the only one I've ever seen so you know I think Memoirs um

25:58

and just learning about other people's experience becomes really important I

26:05

think another message that is so

26:10

important is this idea of being a good enough parent you

26:18

know I think there are lots of tips and tricks and strategies and you know we can find those in

26:24

Galore but it's what if so critical is this idea

26:30

that you don't need to do any of them perfectly you just need to do them good

26:35

enough you need to show up enough right and so being patient and kind with

26:41

yourself on those days when things are difficult it's okay your child never

26:47

needs you to be perfect they need you to be present and the best that you're able to be at that time so there are days

26:54

Simon when I'm not 100% you know I've had a difficult day at work or you know I'm not feeling well physically um and

27:02

so my best may only be 80% but I'm giving my 80% I'm giving

27:08

what I have and doing the best I can and when it falls below 80% then that's when

27:13

I know I need to step away and replenish myself so that I can get back up to a

27:20

level that's going to be useful and helpful so yeah that takes a lot of um self

27:27

recognition and inv ation no no yeah you're totally right it's it's a very very good

27:35

advice I I had a question do you think that just us as a society we've complicated parenting so much that we

27:42

have just more problems than we're supposed to have um I think in many ways yes and and

27:52

I think in some some ways no you know there are lots of ways to be a parent

27:57

and there's lots of really wonderful literature and recommendations and

28:02

things out there um but it can be hard to decipher and sift through all of it

28:09

and what makes sense for you right I I think in today's culture and particular

28:15

there's such a focus on you know doing things the way others are telling us to do it without figuring out what works

28:22

for us and so we have to recognize who we are and what our values are and what our priorities ities are and then live

28:29

those out in a way that makes sense rather than doing it the opposite we can't look at things and see how others

28:36

are doing them and then try and fit them into our lives so I think that's how it's getting complicated right is by by

28:43

starting on the outside and then trying to make it work on the inside rather than recognizing the inside and making

28:49

that work you know out in the world and so I want to you know I I I am very you

28:56

know passionate about how empowering parents in particular to identify what

29:02

are their values and priorities and strengths um what is the parenting style

29:08

that makes sense for who they are not only as an individual but as a a couple

29:14

um and then promoting how to make that work with the Dynamics of that

29:19

individual child that you have um and then when you know those things then you

29:25

can seek out the information and the strategy and the tips that are out there that make sense for you um because I I

29:33

know you have lots of listeners out there that have read the books or read the blogs and and have said yeah I tried

29:39

that and it just did not work or gosh I got no sleep because I I just couldn't get that thing right right and yeah no

29:47

it's a little backwards you have to find the ones that by knowing you a little

29:54

bit yeah I yeah I think that's a really great way of doing it knowing what your strengths are what your weaknesses are

29:59

and hopefully as a as a couple you're able to um really kind of nail that down a little bit and and be okay with the

30:06

fact that everything's not going to go perfectly because it just certainly isn't you know little children especially little ones are just these

30:12

balls of chaos that you know we just have to do do our best with and just enjoy the show I suppose because it

30:18

won't last for nothing nothing when it comes to the young kids last forever that's for sure that's what I definitely try and remember myself

30:25

of yes do you have any good um books or

30:32

individuals to check out in regards to um people who are having about to have

30:38

kids that can you know kind of dive a bit deeper into the psychological aspect of preparation I

30:46

suppose um you know my my go-to but this this was very consistent with my style

30:52

is I I loved um Bill Sears um the baby book um and that's very consistent with

30:59

uh you know attachment style parenting um but there are many out there I um one

31:07

of my favorite books and this this is pretty old but the the best friend's guide to to pregnancy um and you know

31:15

she I I forget the the author's name but she she was great with regards to talking about the the tips and tricks

31:22

that other people don't talk very much about um but you know again I I en

31:28

encourage to just experiment look at a lot of different things and when a

31:35

particular um style connects with you you'll feel it right you'll recognize oh

31:41

yeah that resonates with me um or oh no that's a little you know that that

31:46

doesn't seem to connect I can't see myself doing that right and go with that you know put that one down pick up

31:52

another just experiment and explore ask your friends what they liked

31:59

um and you know there's so much out there now so yeah that's great I like that I think

32:05

that there's um there's so much out there like now that say in the last 10 20 years of of information and different

32:12

types of Trends and different types of um therapies I suppose but I think a lot

32:17

of the kind of older school stuff is probably it would have been it would have been written and based in a time

32:23

where Community which is without question the most important factor would have been a big factor during those

32:28

times let's say like the 60s 70s yes um so I think it would be a really good

32:34

that would be a really good place to begin when it comes to you know kind of researching those aspects I don't know

32:39

if the later books really take that into consideration because I don't feel Community um is a huge part of a lot of

32:48

people's lives I suppose these days we're very you know becoming more and more in insul

32:55

individuals yes so how do you think that we can help

33:02

ourselves and uh to take a bit more responsibility um as as individuals I

33:08

think that taking um taking that first look upon yourself and you know knowing

33:14

kind of where you're at what you can do what's possible what's not um it's probably you know probably a good step

33:20

but you know you're the professional so you can give us a few few tips absolutely well first

33:28

I want listeners to know that if you're feeling overwhelmed and you notice you

33:34

know agitation irritability and you you aren't behaving in a way that feels good

33:40

to you that that's usually a signal that you need to slow down a little bit take

33:45

some deep breaths and let your body calm down because something is upsetting you

33:50

and you may or may not recognize what that is and and at that point in that

33:55

moment it's just about let letting your body reregulate

34:00

and excuse me being able to express what you're experiencing becomes particularly

34:06

important if you are going through a grief process being able to share with

34:11

others your stories your happy memories your sad memories finding those that are

34:17

open to listening um is very helpful writing those stories down uh writing

34:23

letters to your loved ones I find that very helpful it it creates that sense of

34:29

connection also as we were talking earlier I think it's important to reach

34:36

out to individuals that you feel comfortable reaching out to so I would encourage your listeners to start just

34:43

making a a little list of those people in their life that they want to feel

34:49

more connected with um and start building those bridges to do that and

34:55

then lastly is when they feel like they're on this

35:01

hamster wheel of not knowing who they want to be as a as a mom or a dad is to

35:07

seek out some additional assistance so they can identify that I talked about recognizing one's values um I think a

35:14

good way to start with that is just to to start listing and jotting down what they are and then looking at your

35:20

day-to-day experiences and recognizing you know where you're living those out and where you aren't but when you start

35:27

to explore those either with a a um psychologist with a counselor or even a

35:34

life coach um you can dive deeper into those things um and feel more secure and

35:40

confident in that process yeah that was going my next

35:46

question like what's the line what's that what's when do we get to that point where you know seeking a professional

35:53

and I suppose what type of professional would be the the best suit for let's say

35:58

a struggling mother you know like would would that be a psychotherapist would that be a psychologist what do you

36:05

think okay so excellent it it deter uh it's based on level of distress right

36:12

and so you know I want you to think about a mirror why do we use mirrors we

36:18

we use mirrors to better see ourselves now we can see most of ourselves without a mirror right um you know I can see my

36:25

most of my body but I can't see my face right um and so a mirror helps to

36:31

reflect things back now the type of mirror we choose depends on what we're needing to see and so if you're finding

36:38

yourself experiencing um psychological symptoms so some real depression sadness you're

36:46

having difficulty um fun functioning dayto day you're not enjoying life a lot

36:52

of intrusive thoughts are are making you feel bad about yourself um um the

36:58

conflict with those around you uh is escalating in those circumstances then I

37:04

would recommend either a counselor or psychologist somebody that can look at

37:10

what is there something that needs to be treated okay um and there are lots of

37:18

very um healthy uh and easy to access uh treatment modalities um you know

37:25

including therapy uh bringing being a primary one now if you find yourself um feeling

37:33

in general in life pretty good about things but you seem to feel just kind of

37:39

stuck you're kind of repeating some patterns um you're not able to get past

37:44

certain thoughts that just keep repoing now those situations can be easily

37:50

addressed by a coach right um uh coaches tend to focus on very specific problem

37:56

areas um and provide some guidance and role modeling and advice they don't provide

38:04

treatment right so they don't diagnose or provide treatment but they do provide again a a strategy to move forward so

38:11

those would be you know that's a primary difference um now you can have both a a

38:17

counselor you know a therapist and a coach they're not mutually exclusive um but a coach just doesn't have the

38:23

ability to to diagnose or or or provide treatment does that make sense the

38:29

difference oh yeah absolutely yeah it's kind of a case whether you're looking for just like maybe that very specific

38:34

support with with something going on in your life or you know I think I think we

38:39

know if we were to be honest with ourselves whether we you know really need to dive deeper and need to um help

38:46

ourselves ask some big questions and come to some some solutions with with specific therapies I think yeah I think

38:52

it's very very clear that's a great answer thank you yeah right us the makeup mirror or

38:59

are we using the just the analogy are we using a makeup mirror or are we using a

39:05

full body mirror you know the difference between the two I really love that mirror analogy

39:11

yeah that's great that's really good um Melissa how can people connect with

39:18

you okay so they can connect on me a couple with me a couple different ways

39:23

one on Instagram I'm at um Melissa uncore Riley

39:30

orsid um I also have two free um guides

39:35

that I'd love to offer to your listeners the first one is for moms that are

39:41

postpartum and it is a guide um entitled care for yourself while you're caring

39:48

for your bab caring for your baby and that's for moms that are not able to step away from their baby um so that

39:55

they can take care of themselves um as well as their baby and then the other guide is for moms of children of all

40:02

ages and that is the enjoy being a mom again guide and that specifically

40:08

targets those moms that are finding that the feelings of longing for their for a

40:13

mom are getting in the way of being present with their children so I will give you links to both of those guides

40:21

um and I I hope that they enjoy that I also have a website um momsa mom.com

40:28

and they can connect with me there but I I am absolutely all about connecting and

40:33

supporting so at any time please um I I want your listeners to know reach out

40:39

I'm I'm happy to chat that's wonderful well I'll make

40:45

sure that all of those uh links and especially those guides because they sound wonderful I know a couple of

40:51

people I'm going to send that to right away so I really appreciate you um sharing that I think the more Yeah the

40:57

more that we can share these type of informations in um you know bite-size easily readable forms that makes just

41:03

makes the whole process so much more uh simpler and easy to digest so I want to

41:09

well thank you so much for coming and talking with me today Melissa I think it's wonderful and Incredibly unique and

41:16

and Powerful the the field that you're in that you've created I I I I feel it's

41:22

it's massively NE necessary

41:27

well thank you so much Simon I really appreciate the opportunity and I you know I I hope your listeners enjoy their

41:34

parenting journey and I've learned a lot it's certainly a journey but yeah

41:40

thank you again Melissa I really appreciate it and um for all you guys listening out there you can check out

41:46

the show notes for any of the links that we've um spoken about today you can get hold with Melissa if you need to don't

41:52

forget to subscribe to the podcast but appreciate you listening today thank you so much this is true repast the official

41:58

podcast of TR hope Canada we'll see you next week

42:04

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