Mike welcome to the show. Thank you so much for taking the time

to be with me today. How are you? What is going

well?

I am doing fantastic and Simon. Thanks for inviting me

to join you total honor excited for our conversation today,

man.

Excellent. Well as an introduction, please let us

know who you are and what it is that you do. Yeah, thank

you. So Mike Forrester I'm a

guy who is passionate about his family first and

foremost something that I almost lost at one

point because of who I was and how I acted out

in in my life, but I

have an amazing marriage with my wife. I

for adult children from 28 to 21

and you know, then I've got

two two grandchildren and dude. I will tell you grandchildren are

absolutely phenomenal so something I

didn't see in my future if you talk to

me years ago Simon, I'd be like no that's not gonna happen.

I'm gonna run myself off the rails, but I'm so

blessed to have the, you know

have the opportunity to live my life

with my family that I do now as far

as what I you know, what I do. I'm helping

men to, you know, discover their purpose to live.

Confidently and understand their worth because

that was stuff that I didn't get, you know between the

mental emotional and physical abuse. I went through

as a child and the dyslexia just

a number of things that you know, I took as

a things that stood in my way. So I

myself as a victim and it's like man having the

stuff that I experienced now, I know that other men

can experience this as well and you know,

then we get to be changed, you know change makers

within our own family. So the stuff that we've

experienced we don't have to pass along to our kids or

a grandkids and that we can experience that life

that we've always wanted but never felt we were worthy

of living

Beautiful really appreciate you sharing that. Yeah,

it's it's so fascinating how

incredible individuals incredible practices are

created through trauma and

through tragedy and how you know, it's and

it's incredible. There are so many success stories that we don't

necessarily always hear about, you know, especially in the news and

then, you know articles and things like that that's usually about the negative negative

things. We have so many incredible success stories

that can create very

Positive potential outlook for those

people who are who may be struggling and will certainly get

into the the male confidence piece the self-worth or

all of those things in this in this discussion. So what

what is a transformational coach, you know,

like I'm familiar with the word transformation and it

could have a few maybe definitions for different people

depending on their own circumstances, but like for you as a

transformational coach, can you explain to us a

little bit more about what that is and how how sessions

kind of go? Yeah. Absolutely. So

transformation coach. I mean the simplest way

to to think about it is like a

life coach right? I'm here to help other

men who are on that same path that I

was on to discover that it's like there's something

else beyond that the life

that they're wanting is available to them and

we're actually the ones although we feel

like things are happening to us, and we're the victim

That we're actually the one that's in control. We have

the key that's keeping us in prison and

we just don't understand that because of

our perspective and so helping somebody transform

both their mindset their

perspective their desire just how they

see themselves. So there's a lot

of of levels to it, but it's transforming all

those things to see yourself and

your life differently in a way that you didn't think was

available to you typical session is

going to be helping helping someone

to see that look you have a purpose.

You're not just randomly running through life, you

know things just happening to you. It's

it's not you know, that life

has got it out for us. So to speak right we're

looking at you know,

what's your purpose? What is it that you have to

be grateful for because if you would ask

For Simon man. I was like Eeyore. I

don't think Disney ever, you know,

thought of me when they created Eeyore but dude, I was

the embodiment and pair that

with like the Hulk I was filled with rage because

the stuff was happening to me and I didn't think I

had any power in in the in the situation.

further from the truth, you know just

I was the one again, like I said earlier keeping myself

in that position just you

know allowing things happen to me

instead of taking a stand and going. Yeah. This

isn't working. Let's do something different. So it's it's

helping men to see

that, you know, there's things to be grateful for that. You

know, we we can Envision a

life that does include success and

we can be the the path to

that success.

Setting our goals celebrating our wins and a lot

of times that's something we don't do is to

celebrate the wins big small whatever. We're

more hypercritical of the

things we mess up on and the common conversation is

why am I such an idiot? Why can't I do anything right?

You know, those negative self-deprecating questions

that imprint upon

us and keep us in those ruts. Whereas

when you're like dude, that was awesome. Oh my gosh, congratulations, you

know.

Just being proud of what you do and where

you're going and recognizing it and again

celebrating it. So those things.

you know just high level or what

we go through because it's like

and they're gonna feel uncomfortable understand that when

you do something new it's gonna be uncomfortable but

uncomfortable doesn't mean bad. It just

means something that you need to work through and it's

probably going to take additional energy and effort

than what you're used to because you know

the path but the thing is we want something different so

Just working through it.

Certainly. What where do you think we are in regards to the

evolution of discussing men's mental health because now you

sometimes see things in the

mainstream, you know talking about Men's Health. We have like mental health

awareness days and things like this and

Sure, they certainly have their place and I'm not.

personally completely convinced that they're going to be able to

really really support and change like this whole dynamic that

we have around, you know mental health not just with men but

where do you think we are in regards to as a

cut as a culture as you know, especially in the mainstream, where do you

think we are within the the evolution of starting to really

actually discuss mental health and actually having

The option of having having something to action and to do

to support that rather than just talking about it and

discussing it.

Oh man, powerful question. I think there's two

parts to it. You know, obviously there's the

the public part right? How do we as a

community as a culture a society

see mental health, especially for men

in the second part is how do we as men individually?

See what's available to us,

you know, are we willing to take action and step into?

You know what's available to us? Because I'll be honest. I'm in there

was a time man you could have if I was hungry.

You know, you could have put out a buffet in front of me and

I wouldn't have eaten because of my pride because

if I had you know eaten at

that buffet that you would laid out. I would have seen myself

as weak. Right and so it was the same

thing with mental health. You could have laid out, you know,

all the books the whole process Mike if

you execute on this you will be successful. You

have all your dreams, but I wasn't at that

place and that's a crucial component to being

able to you know,

participate in what's available is being

willing and ready to step in and say hey, I I

want some help Count Me In

As far as from a society aspect, I think we're at the

beginning of this because there's still that stigma of

a man is, you know quiet a

man doesn't speak up about what he's struggling with

and oftentimes you'll see men

talk about. Hey, I did speak up and I

was ostracized I was condemned, you know, my wife

made fun of me the people at work, you know

both sides. It's not just

Men, you know having a problem with other men

speaking up. It's not just a problem with you know, the women reacting

to it.

Both sides, you know, it's it's one

that once it becomes normalized or

more accepted.

You'll start seeing more traction made

there.

And just because we're in the beginning stages

doesn't mean we shouldn't keep pushing. You

know, that's all the more reason to have these

conversations like you and I are having here having them

publicly to set oppressed to to bring

about the fact of hey, I'm not alone

in the struggles. I've gone through and that

was part of what made it so difficult for me.

So I mean I thought I was the only guy who was

struggling with the stuff. I was going through

And there's nothing further from the truth. It's it's happening

so frequently, but because we're not speaking about

it it seems odd. So if

you look at like statistics for depression, let's say

you will see that women are more depressed than men.

That doesn't mean that you know, hey women, you

know are more prone to be

depressed. The thing is you look at it. The

men have been so conditioned don't talk

about how you feel. Don't speak up. Well, the

second part of the equation is you will look and you

will see that we as men are three to four times more likely to

commit suicide.

And so we're bottling it up. We're remaining

quiet. You know, we're not speaking about what's

bothering us and we go to that ultimate extreme

and you know remove ourself

from this this pain that we're going

through this situation and so

Yeah, I think we're in the beginning stages, but it's encouraging

to see that it's beginning and we're starting to

to begin this journey.

Yeah, I think there's so I mean it goes for

me whenever I think about Men's Health and the

fact that we're not supposed to be open sensitive and

you know connected to our emotions or feelings. It's certainly

goes back to like wartime for me and I still think we're slowly breaking

out of that.

Generational time of when you know, you couldn't

even have the time to be to be sensitive and

take time off and you know,

there are Wars to fight, you know, you had to you

know, fight kill and Conquer and there's no time for emotion.

There's no time to be sensitive during that period of time and I feel

like we're very very slowly coming out of that mindset because

you know men aren't Spence but men aren't supposed to

be sensitive vulnerable open on this

these types of things and I suppose it comes

from from you know, 1600 years ago with you know,

these wars that we've experienced, you know, generally and

I feel that

it has created.

A lack of we just don't know who we are.

I suppose like, you know, we're kids.

We are emotional. We do feel we do have a lot

of emotions but as we get older and older and we're kind of taught by our societies taught

by our cultures that men are supposed to be a certain way. We we

don't know who we are anymore. Like

we're not really our true self. We're kind of a stranger in our own

mind Stranger in our own body and

it teaches us to be inauthentic and and eventually

some way down the road. Hopefully people will recognize

that and start to become authentic. I honestly

think that it takes the love of a woman or a love of a

good partner to really help people become that

true find your true individual it

individualism again, and because it

just it does get it does get lost in your 20s

and 30s and you know through work and through other,

you know cultural norm sport. I suppose is a

part of it as well and competitiveness but it's yeah, it's

just very interesting because you know during my life without question

fun, you know meeting my now wife.

And being whether and she's taught me so much about what it

means to be what it means to be a man what it

means to be a person what it means to be, you know open and honest

and be be with her in this relationship in

this partnership that's called marriage, right and it's not just about

me it's about us and I feel like when people

were able to find something a person like

that or a purpose or a job or something like that that really connects to

their true self. They can find that their identity again rather than

being bound by this

cultural nonsense that we've

kind of fabricated I suppose but just not not

let go of it. I mean obviously like war is unfortunately necessary

at times and you've got there's not my whole control we

have over those things, but

Right now it's very very different. So yeah, we're slowly creeping out

out towards it. What do you think about that?

um

It's one that we are pushing against social norms.

I mean if you look at it.

You can go up to you know, like our parents.

And be like hey, this is what I'm talking about. You know,

this is how I'm feeling and it's

it's uncomfortable for them to consider it. You

know, they don't know how to validate.

If you look at I'll give you an example from my life,

right?

So from my dad and I think most of

us as men are looking for approval and validation

from our fathers. Hey, I want to be a

man Dad. I need this approval from you. I want to

be confirmed as being a man.

Most of them are wondering themselves.

Am I a man? So they can't give what they

don't have and like from

my father. I was looking just for a dad.

I love you, you know and I told him

that well, he was hurt in his own way.

And so he didn't know how to respond he couldn't give me.

What I was looking for that wasn't his fault. He's

doing the best he can and you know,

it's it's one of understanding.

You know what we're looking for and what

somebody can give may not always align

and

you know, I can take it back to when I when I

first met my wife, you know at the time

she was my girlfriend.

Simon she was

She gave me love like true love.

It caused a problem for me mentally and emotionally

because while my parents did their best

to love me.

It was not a healthy love if

that makes sense, you know, yeah.

And it caused this.

This just this confusion where it's

like wait a minute.

This young gal is giving me this, you

know love in this way and my parents were

supposed to love me and this is not at all

healthy, you know, I mean, we we argued we you know, they manipulated

we manipulated because I was part of the the

environment right? I'm part of the drama that's unfolding

on stage.

And you know physical abuse, I

mean all this stuff that was my family.

And that was supposed to be loved. So that was the the picture

the image that I had of love and this young

gals giving me something that's totally different. But Simon,

oh my gosh, it felt amazing and

that discrepancy that difference. I

didn't know how to handle it. I floored my Mustang and drove

out of the parking lot.

Seeing red, you know, I was the Hulk I couldn't

process it. And so

You know, it's it's one of those of sometimes what

we want somebody's not able to give and

it's being able to step back and process it

and it doesn't make somebody wrong. Right my parents did the

best that they could wasn't a healthy love but

still they did the best that they could so I think

is we step into healing ourselves. It's

going to create space for those around us

if they want to then begin their own

healing process and change the Dynamics within

a relationships.

Yeah, it can be so easy to incite and blame towards

our parents or towards.

Teachers or other individuals in our

lives and and again like that kind of completely

gives away our power. It gives away our strength. It gives away our ability

to you know, self-assess and you know and take

things into our own hands. I suppose and recognize

that we do have the power the other the ability to know think

different thoughts to feel different feelings and and to exhibit different

behaviors. We always have that ability.

But yeah, like as you said so you make a really good point

in regards to you know.

A lot of guys wanting to have validation from

their fathers to be a man. But like we never would recognize

that perhaps that my father never had that

from his father and it just like it's just you just chasing

this through generations. So yeah, it's it's very yeah.

It's a very interesting way of looking at things and it also

just that immediately would lift lift Blaine because

if no, if somebody's father doesn't even have

the ability to give that validation because they're they're not

quite sure what who they are. What what a man

really is then

They can't do anything. It's not their fault. That's not like they're deliberately

trying to you know, demand me.

Right. So yeah, it's it's an in. Yes. That's a really interesting way way

of looking at those things. Yeah, that's that's really cool. How

do you think childhood trauma influences

our personal and professional?

Decision process as adults, you know, does that stick with

people for a long time?

It very very easily. Can I can tell

you for me? It was like

It didn't matter personal professional. It was

like wearing a pair of sunglasses.

Everything I saw I still filtered through the

beliefs that I built up. You know,

I'm not enough the world's out to get me. The only

way I can win is to manipulate, you know,

like those things. It wasn't a

switch that it was like hey, this is personal. I'm

just gonna behave this way over there. Not at

all.

I would play small at work because

it was one of how do I keep myself

safe?

I'm looking to

remain in a place where I'm not at risk

so to speak and by playing small it

kept me out of you know, the line of fire

the the people that

that I saw that were as competition if that makes sense. And so

I played small at work. I would

go home and I'm playing small at home. I'm

working at home though to

like control the environment and so

with my wife my my four children.

I'm working to manipulate them in the same way that I grew up

in understanding how manipulation worked and and that

that control I saw as

A success right? That was my way of validating.

My worth my my being my

place of you know, I'm

Dad. I'm a husband. Well that

takes on a certain level of power which it work.

I didn't have but it's that

same lens. I just knew the

environments were different if you and I are

working together and I try and manipulate you the way same way. I

did my wife and children. I've been fired Simon, so

it's not that

I'm leaving that childhood, you know

those experiences the limiting beliefs, you

know, the

The experiences behind I'm just

helping them.

To fit into the situation the way

that it can I was a chameleon and so I would

do whatever it took to be accepted by

the strongest person in that environment.

And then to you know work my

way up the ladder so to speak.

Up on two a certain point because I

didn't want to get my head too high so that I'm getting you know, like taking

attention, but I

wanted to get some level of success.

So it follows Us in both and that's the amazing thing is

as you heal your, you know, you you

get about that healing right? I'm now

whole I'm happy. I'm satisfied

as I begin to experience that both

work and home life will change

and so I'll get those promotions I'll

you know experience things.

In my career that were Out Of

Reach before I'll also have relationships with

my wife my children my friends my

family that can be different. You know,

they're they're environment is changing and

so they may see that they have room to change as well

again. It's a it's a personal decision. And so,

you know, they they may

choose not to change because

that's a level of responsibility we each have

for ourselves. But yeah.

How we see things we see it both at home and

at work. It's no different.

Yeah, I think so many, you know most men have have

Drive have purpose within us.

It may not be we're not may not be aware of where it needs to be directed. But

yeah, like when you're talking about that

that power Dynamic and I think of power and

the energy that needs to come out in some sort

of behavior within men and if we can't have

that in the office or we can't have it in

some sort of other Outlet then that that manipulation

he talking about that that you know that that pushing

out their energy.

Very frequently gets pushed out in towards the family Dynamic, you

know, and as you as your role within the family and is

obviously very important in that invalid.

I think a lot of people aren't aren't super

aware that that energy that drive that kind of

like even aggressive nature that the resides within most men,

but not quite sure. We're not quite conscious and

aware of like that actually being

squeezed out of us

and being, you know put out into the family dynamic in a very

unfair way, you know rather than rather than

being balanced and us being conscious and aware of like actually we're

actually giving our Focus. We're actually giving our energy and when we

become aware of become aware of the virtually have this energy and

have this power and we can redirect it. Wherever we want. Then we

can start, you know, like putting out

into the world in a much more positive manner. And as you say like,

you know your work life would improve your family life would improve

give you even more like more energy to maybe do

other types of activities that would be you know, getting an

energy out and kind of like a healthy away and you know creating that

purpose and different Avenues within your life.

So yeah, it's a very

It's a very interesting way of looking at the unconscious energy that

we do have within within ourselves as men like that has to

be you know, that has to be put put to good use.

Most of the time and yeah and and it can filter and it

can certainly affect the family dynamic.

Yeah, I mean.

Simon I would love to tell you that it's

like

I had it together, you know at at home.

And it work dude. Nothing was the further

from truth the difference when we go to work is

we're not going to engage with each

other the same way we do at home. There's a

different.

Almost safety mechanism. That's at home.

You know, my wife will speak to me different than my

colleagues my boss, you know,

there's there's different things that will be said,

you know and conversely there's different things

that I would say and do and so that was

where you would see myself you'll see other men that

will go that direction and invest themselves at work.

You know, one of the things that

we can do to hinder ourselves, you know,

I said this I've had other men as clients that have

said this when my wife changes I'll change.

And do that's that's a no-win situation.

You know because we're looking for an excuse,

I mean, let's be honest, you know the minute that

my wife stumbles. I then

have a reason to go back and be how uncomfortable

to be that dysfunctional hurtful

person that I've been

because

I mean, we're human we're going to stumble

and those patterns that we're looking to move away

from they're still gonna pop up from time to time. It's

an easier correction after all these decades that we've

you know, behaved this way and thought this way it's breaking

a pattern and so when

we put the responsibility on somebody

else for our Behavior,

Setting it up for failure right from the get-go and it's

just it's looking for a loophole for me

to behave the way that's comfortable rather than

continuing to invest in myself and put

forth at work to say. Hey, I'm gonna be the best version. I'm gonna

treat my wife amazing, you know the best that I can same

with my children and I'm gonna be as healthy as

I can't stepping into everything that I can be even

if it means working and doing

stuff that's uncomfortable. So, I mean

it's available. We just have to take the responsibility and

go this is a life choice. It's not

a like a diet for

our emotions. This is a life change.

yeah, I think what's quite what quite powerful

that not that not a lot of people aware of we obviously inherit genetics

from our parents, but you also

inherit behaviors that we will pick up

very subconsciously as children very young children, and we

will

inevitably take that into our adulthood and take

that into our relationships take that into work and things like that, but

for a lot of people who pick up negative behaviors and

can we break the

cycle of passing along those unhealthy patterns,

you know as a generational Legacy towards our

Our children it was we want to influence them to be able to do

those things. But like the negativity of like what we experiences

as kids.

From those bad patterns that we might pick up from our parents and we

might pick them up. We might not necessarily but how can

we

do the best for our kids to be able to recognize them and

then help break those patterns?

We can definitely make a change.

The perspective has to be a little bit different I need

to.

Know that I'm doing this for me.

Because if I'm looking at it, you know just like we talked about

when I'm saying. Hey, I'm gonna if my wife does this

I'm gonna do it for her.

If I'm doing it for somebody else if they fall off

of that stool that I've set them on.

Then I in essence have

no more reason to be my best right? So

if my children get older they're doing

stuff. I don't like man. I now I

don't have to invest in me or put that

effort. You know, there's that scapegoat in essence that's gone.

When I say I'm invested in me for me.

You're still gonna get the same impact You're Gonna

Change the Legacy the behavior

the patterns that we as parents

set for our children our grandchildren, but

now the focus is different.

And you're you're more likely to stick with it. Is it

going to be smooth easy? No, you

know, it's just like going to the

gym. I mean, I don't know about you Simon. I

did not step into the gym and start benching 300

from the first day. I was in there. Yeah, you

know, I'm still not b**** at 300 but

you know, it's like

emotional

growth this healing mental and

emotional is a workout. It's an investment in us

for the long term. And so

what I've the progress that I've

made there's going to continue to be things that I uncover as

I go along and we'll need to work through and we've

all got bad days right those days. We just wake up

and it's like wow things seem off.

We still need to to work through those and some days are going to

require more energy and more intention than

others, but when we're

invested for us.

We have a stick-to-diveness. There's a foundation and

we're invested in it differently then.

If my focus and my reason is for

somebody else, you know,

I've already started seeing the change in my children

to where the relationship Simon I

literally thought. I was going to be in an apartment divorced isolated

from my children, you know,

just

There's the TV no lights on.

Just sitting there.

Isolated, you know feeling depressed. I thought

that was a life that I was bound for.

My actions were certainly getting

me on that path.

but as I healed

my children began to trust me, you know, like I

said manipulation was something that was part of my toolkit when

I was unhealthy, so

Had it took longer.

For them to believe that I was actually healing

and being a new me instead of

let's just press a few different buttons and

see what shortcut in the game we can get to to

have my children behave the way I'm wanting.

And but now at this point,

like I said, my youngest is 21, you know, they're adults

if they wanted to say bye they easily could.

And instead they've chosen to say

hey, I want you in my life, you know

some days again better than others

just depends on what's going on

the stress that either one of us is under and still understanding.

Hey, I'm a work in progress cool. I can

give that Grace.

But their experiencing life differently than the

path that they had been on and our relationship is

so different Simon so we can

give that gift to our children and our grandchildren but it

begins with us and investing in ourselves

as the sole reason

that we're setting off on that Journey putting in that work.

Well, congratulations for that transformation because yeah, we

could be having a very different conversation. I suppose if not for your

courage and bravery.

I appreciate it. Thank you Simon. It's it's been a

group effort. Let me be clear on that because they still have

a choice right they could they could hold a grudge.

They chose to show Grace and that's been

part of the change as well. So.

Beautiful. Do you think that a lot

of men who are struggling with their?

With the lack of worth lack of self-courage lack

of confidence Etc. Do you

think people think those men are closer to achieving those

things then then they might think or is it that is

it a long tough path for most people?

I would say it depends on each man because we

if we

Have gone through experiences. Everybody's had

some kind of experiences that they've

gone through as a child as you know, growing up. So

like mine is Extreme.

I get it and I really hope

that nobody goes through that kind of stuff. Especially

that level.

But there's stuff that is.

As we've been raised that we've experienced in

has colored how we see things.

so

Excuse me.

So it's one that sometimes it is our past.

That keeps us doubting not having the

confidence other times. It's just not.

Not giving ourselves the grace to see where we

are and what we've actually achieved, you know,

we can be hypercritical and I

could look at something you've done Simon like dude.

You're right there.

And I could be in the same place and be like, oh my

gosh Mike you are a million miles away. Why can't you get anything? Right and

it's that that's self-talk that

perspective and Grace that I give myself.

That can either put me in the appropriate place

or put me at a

at a distance from it right not seeing the true location

and the accomplishments if

you accomplish something and I accomplish the same thing.

I might give you more credit.

And and catapult you further ahead. And

so I'm can actually be a detriment to myself.

so it depends on what we've gone through, but also

how we're allowing ourselves to

See ourself to accept that credit, you know,

this goes back to like celebrating our wins if we're just focused on

hey, I've got to accomplish. I've got

to do this and we're chasing acceptance. So

to speak I mean how many of us are chasing our dads approval

just to be you know

accepted and so it's like we invest in

work and everything else to get those accolades that

acceptance, you know,

it's it can

It can be something that's Elusive and ever moving Target.

But if we look at the true situation where we really are.

Yeah, dude, we can we can be right there. So it

it's talk to your friends.

I mean, that's that's the amazing thing is we're not in this alone.

Right Simon.

So if we have men around us, we can ask the community, you

know, or our friends around us and go. Hey, how do you see these things

and get a true perspective rather than sometimes our

we're jaded towards our accomplishments

so to speak

yeah, I think every individual is obviously, you know

gonna have a different different history and a different path going

forward and I think that you

know, somebody is looking to

really switch around their their ability to

start feeling confident and courageous and start having

that self worth. Obviously that's gonna take work, you know,

it's gonna take some time. It's gonna take a lot of self-reflection. It's

gonna take you know, take actionable

work, but I genuinely think when it

comes to people feeling like anxious or depressed about things and whether

that's you know, major depression

or you know, something a lot more mild I

think being able to change your environment and

there's so many things at hand that are very natural

and very organic, you know that we can go and get sunlight we can

exercise we can do these things that can very quickly like,

you know change our biochemistry where we're able to start thinking different

thoughts and feeling different feelings and having the

ability to maybe do things a little bit differently, especially

if we're depressed and isolated and we're just like

ruminating and these thoughts and ruminating these behaviors that are just

not serving us. There are certainly some things that we can do to

Quick quite quickly, you know change it literally change our

mood change our mind, but when it comes to, you know, finding our

purpose and our self-worth and rediscovering who we

are and what we want that's certainly takes work and effort because

we're going against you know, sometimes Decades of of patterns, but

obviously the work is you know, it's kind of

the result is gonna be well worth that work and it's amazing that we've got

individuals like you who can help people with that

transformation or process to help guide to help coach and

people through their struggles and you

know find themselves again and find that, you know, huge liberating

factor that can significantly help

redirect energy in an

incredibly positive way. And yeah, I

just find that whole process quite unique and

fascinating because it's so unbelievably attainable

and Incredibly powerful and

you know, it's just just riddle the passion. Yeah you

so when you talked about depression and be an

isolated, right?

So Simon picture this I'm playing

video games 12 hours a

day.

And the reason why was in

that I got

I guess the best way to I gotta check mark

of being okay of achieving something because

there's a score I'm collecting things, you know,

like the the accomplishments that the game puts up. It's

like dude. Yeah.

At the root of it. I'm escaping my life

hoping for something different.

now

when you're depressed you don't want

to be around anybody but being around people

and being out like you talked about vitamin D

being active. These are all things that help lift

the feeling of depression. It's the

last thing I want to do. I want to

be alone playing video games getting my

accomplishments and that's it's like this

crazy cycle that we get on and the

things that can help us are the things.

We don't necessarily want to go to you know,

it's it goes back to you know

when I'm

When I'm looking at the fact do I want to put in

this uncomfortable work? No, I'd much

rather. It just be given to me. I want the

easy path. We all do but the thing that's

uncomfortable is the way to Freedom

frequently that it's like just being Discerning

and looking at it. Okay, if I put in this work, will this

get me where I want? Okay, great. Am I

willing to invest my time my effort to get

there? Yes, then start after it. Otherwise,

we just continue on this crazy cycle that

keeps us imprisoned and trapped in

exactly what we're experiencing now and we're

doing that activity, you know for me it was

video games.

I'm doing that to escape my life because I don't like the

pain that I'm in at that point. So I'm putting myself

almost in this hamster wheel of pain because

I don't want to go do something uncomfortable and so

often it's just a matter of deciding. Yeah,

I'm gonna go do this and free

myself and take a different path. And so

we're just a decision away from making change in our

life.

What do you think of the key factors of transformation like

going forward? I mean obviously individuals are different

people are gonna have to start in different places, but there

must be some

Some correlating factors where most people can you

know, really kick off their transformation?

I don't think we get to the point of making that

decision to

you know, yes, I'm going to take the responsibility

and go down this path until we've

hit enough pain for where we're

at right now the pain of the life

that sucks. So to speak you know

that I don't enjoy

Has to be greater than the pain of saying.

Yes, I want to make a decision to change.

And then taking action in that direction because I

mean I'd love to say hey a

guy comes up to me says I want to go about change and

everybody's successful.

That's not true. It's I

can just like we talked about the meal earlier.

I can provide all the information and say hey this these

are the keys and the ways to make the change. But

unless you know, somebody's at the point. I'm tired

of my life. Yes. I'm ready to invest and

put in the work Nothing's Gonna Change or it

may change for a while until they hit that point of things are

uncomfortable.

For a long time I delayed on making

change Simon because because of what I went through

I forgot things.

And my big fear was if I go and I start

on this path of you know learning and

remembering I'm opening Pandora's Box

and this already stinks where I'm at. And if

I opened Pandora's Box what other additional deeper

pain is there that I've shut away.

and so

You know, the first thing is us taking action and having

that pain that moves us into making that

decision and continuing forward.

Having a community like we talked about people to

encourage you to continue along. Sometimes that's

not family, you know, if

If we're in a family that is used to being in a

healthy, they will sometimes not be the most supportive. So

it may be totally new men

that you've never met but they're like I'm sold out. This is the

direction. I'm going I want health for me as well.

those can be you know, like the men that are traveling on

this journey with you, but it's also

changing your perspective understanding you

have a purpose discovering that purpose and then

you know having the Gratitude to say

you know this happened but it's not

the end of the world, you know, like

the car breaks down. Okay. What is the car breaking down?

Now change what can you be grateful for

and not going? Hey, I'm glad I spent a thousand dollars on

this car repair but going

Hey, I now have breaks.

That are fixed. I now know that my wife

and children can be safe in this car, you know, whatever the

case may be. There is something that you can genuinely look

at it and say okay. I've had the opportunity

for this benefit to come about and I

mean it's a multifaceted.

Process and situation that

keeps us going forward because you

know, it's not just like you go to the gym and you're you're drinking enough

water and that's the stains you you know, it's what you

eat. It's what you're working out. It's how frequently you're doing

it. It's that same kind of thing. There's multiple components.

To making that change in your life and once you're

you're invested in it.

Dude, it's it's amazing. You you don't

ever want to go back because you know what, it was like.

Tightly how you've mentioned

Grace and gratitude quite a few times in our conversation. How have

you seen that support people's recovery

and Ricky just recognize how powerful gratitude

to yourself and gratitude to other

people can be

or Grace towards yourself is one of the hardest things I think

to extend.

Because I talked about like self-deprecating.

You know comments. That's what we can get into a pattern

of doing and so we see ourselves negatively.

but

When you're looking at yourself, and you're going hey, you did your

best.

And your best is the Judgment not perfection.

So when we give ourselves Grace.

And we're breaking from that pattern of that self-deprecating.

You know mindset those comments.

It empowers us to go ahead and

And move forward because we're not focused on

perfection.

We're focused on did I do my best?

Sometimes our best is enough. Sometimes it's not but being

okay with it.

My upbringing was such that.

You know if I asked a question or I

failed that made me a failure. Nobody wants

to be a failure. I mean, that's I didn't wake

up this morning go. Hey, I want to fail.

And be labeled a failure that's nothing that any of us are striving for

but it is something we'd want to avoid.

and so looking at things and going

You know, as long as I do my best, my best is

good enough and so changing your perspective to

give yourself that Grace to try and step in will

often be more empowering.

I get you further along because you'll continue trying even when

it seems like the deck is stacked against you.

so

So Grace is super empowering in that and it

was a key component because I didn't understand what Grace was. You know,

I wasn't giving it to anybody else. Why would I give it to me?

So Grace can totally change things and for

the better in in getting

us further ahead. So.

Yeah, it can be very difficult to understand something like right so

gratitude when we don't, you know have too much of it going

on in our lives and we've not held our

lives in a position of Grace of gratitude. So once we actually start expressing

that and start, you know being quite conscious to use that

in our lives on a daily basis, then we can

start recognizing the power that it does have and so many

aspects of Our Lives tell us a little bit about because you're

the founder of living Fearless coaching programs. Can you

tell us a little bit more about that, please? Yeah. Absolutely. So living

Fearless today is the first program

that men go through and that's

focused on us, right because until we

change us nothing else is Gonna

Change. I can want to you know finagle my

marriage I can want to you know manipulate my

children.

So I can want to change, you know, my marriage

the relationships around me.

the work environment

until I change me nothing else changes. I'm

still me. I still see the world around

me the way that I have. I'm a victim.

I'm Eeyore.

You know things continue to be dysfunctional and

painful until I address me.

So we're focusing on purpose your mindset

gratitude.

You know just the way you see yourself and the

way you see things around you setting goals

dreaming because I don't know about you, but when

I have a victim mindset, I am not focused on

the dreams about me. I'm focused about what's wrong.

And so when we change our perspective then

it's like things just are

able to be seen differently, right

we're able to dream and see what

is available rather than looking at our feet and

shuffling about because we're depressed and you know,

just feeling so so filled with fear.

Second program is living Fearless every

day and that's focused on how do we appear within

the relationships around us?

So

Understanding. What is my wife

need and how can I show up for her that strengthens

our relationship our marriage? How can

I show up for my children? How do I show up at work? You know

because that's a different place. That's an important place with lots

of relationships. So, who am I within that?

And we're in a place to decide, you know,

okay, I can take these different assessments, you

know, like you can take the disc the Myers Briggs that

tells me about me because if

we're trying to figure out who I am and I've been a chameleon and

I'm afraid of other people and what they might think.

Gotten diluted. I don't know who I

am because I've you know, it's almost like

putting die in a cup

I've changed and and I'm not

as strong. I'm not as clear about who I am and what

I have to offer.

And so getting back to understanding who I

am what my strengths are what my weaknesses are and what

I have to offer and bring to the table then helps

me to understand how I can show up in these different places and

what I can bring to bear.

so those are the two programs doing it

inside a mastermind groups one-on-one coaching, you know,

whichever works better and you know,

how

How on fire is somebody is is often the

Big Driver on that.

Very cool those programs sounds very transformational

and yet so so important to

work with a coach and work within

a community base as well. That can be a lot

of people's first step is to you know, start talking to more people

around them and start opening up and being open

to being vulnerable. And yeah, that's a really really passionate place

to be because once we recognize that so many

people have got their own issues going on. They really

starts, you know, put us into perspective the normality

of having, you know, not everything perfect in

your life and how you can actually go forward and start changing

those things. So yeah this coaching program. So awesome.

Where can people learn more about that.

So best place to connect is

through high coachmike.com. So h

i c o a c h m i

k e

dot com

And that's also the podcast living

Fearless today is accessible there. If

you social medias and easier route, you can

connect through the links there. But hi coach Mike is

the best place to reach out connect and if you've got questions and

set up a time, let's talk because you're

not alone and there is a lot more available to

you. It's just a matter of reaching out saying hey.

I'm ready.

Certainly reaching out and just asking

for help is you know can be just such a huge big First Step.

But again, it's like it's not something we're super programmed for but

but it's it's there it's

accessible and you know what there are a lot of people out there who do want to

help them would be happy to do it.

So I will make sure that the website link

and Social Media stuff is all connected in the show notes Mike. I

want to thank you again for today coming on talking about your own

personal experience your transformation and

how that you are now, you know working towards supporting

other men through their

issues and becoming the people that they that they're

supposed to be.

Well Simon, I appreciate it and I look forward to you

know, seeing mental health become, you

know, without that stigma becoming more accepted.

So it's one day

at a time one step at a time. I appreciate you inviting me

to join you. So thank you Simon. Of course. Well,

thanks again for joining us and again today Mike and from what

information about anything we've spoken about in the show. I'll make sure they are

in the show notes for you to connect with

Mike and a bit more about some of those amazing coaching programs. But

yeah, that's it for today. This is true.

Hope you see official podcast the true hope Canada. We will

see you next week.