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welcome to the true Hope cast podcast where we take a deep dive into mental Health's many psychological and

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physiological aspects in this beautiful but wild world this is the show for you if you're looking for motivation

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inspiration knowledge and solutions that's what we are all about here at true hope Canada and true hope Canada is a mind and body based supplement company

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dedicated first and foremost to promoting brain and body Health through non-invasive nutritional means for more information about us you can visit Tru

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hope.com something new for the podcast is that we're going to be concluding each episode with a two to three

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solution based idea to a specific question for each guest today's guest is Nino vukovich and today's question is

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going to be what can I do today to bring awareness to my unconscious unwanted patterns Nino is a dedicated coach and

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writer serving wholeness and authenticity her work on ego work Shadow work and nervous system work guides

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individuals towards embracing their true selves through personalized one-on-one coaching workshops and group events over

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the past 5 years Nino has created safe spaces for self-exploration and growth

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fostering an environment where individuals can align with their authentic selves her writing shares insights on self-discovery and

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resilience inspiring others to live in alignment with who they really are today we're going to be discussing undoing

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unconscious conditioning for a happier Fuller life enjoy the show hi Nino hi Simon welcome to True Hope cast how are

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you I'm doing great how are you yeah pretty good um it's any Christmas you

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got the Christmas tree behind you there the snow outside I do I wasn't planning for it to be on camera so I didn't it's

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like our it's beautiful it's perfect it looks like uh it doesn't look real but

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it looks real enough for Christmas I guess yeah good well we're going to be talking about unconscious conditioning

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today yes and a new thing that we're doing with the podcast is we're trying to provide some everyday solutions for

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people to be able to take away from this podcast right away and Implement into their lives and the question we're going

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to offer some solutions to at the end of the show is going to be what can I do today to start bringing awareness to my

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unconscious unwanted patterns and I think as we go through the podcast a lot of people are going to understand a

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little bit more about what that means and how valuable that can be for for everybody so yes let's kick off with who

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you are and what it is that you do sure uh my name is Nino I am a coach um I've

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been doing it I've been coaching for the past 3 to four years and I've really embarked on my own journey of personal

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development men for the past six years okay so tell us a little bit more about this coaching is it is it

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something that you you do one one with people in person is it online and then

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what type of um you know what what's the typical session look like yeah it's a good question because there's a lot of

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um coaches out there that do a lot of different things and coaching can mean a lot of different things um I do both

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one-on-one and group coaching so um right now I'm mainly doing oneon-one but I do offer oneoff programs here and

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there sometimes some programs bigger than others um and the kind of coaching

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that I do is um really Shadow work so what shadow work is is uh bringing the

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unconscious conscious it's called Shadow work because it's in the shadow because you can't see it because it's

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unconscious so I do a lot of ego work we do a lot of nervous system work um to

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help people bring the unconscious conscious and what's once it's conscious what do we do about it right interesting

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what's the what's the typical client is there is there a like I'm sure they come from all walks of life but I

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guess how would you come to find someone like you to start challenging your own

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unconscious unwanted behaviors I guess well people that find me or come to me

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um already have a little bit of an understanding um about unconscious

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conditioning or even if the the term unconscious conditioning is is not something that is known to them they

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know that they get in their own way in some way shape or form they realize that they want to there's something they want

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to do there's a project they want to do where there's relationships they want to improve and something just keeps getting

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in the way um and so when when they come to me they usually already have

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something that they've been kind of um struggling with or being with that they

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want help with okay so they've already got a little bit more of experience certainly an understanding of what

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unconscious and conscious patterns are because I think a lot of people if they start thinking about what is being

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unconscious and what's being conscious that's awake and asleep yes which

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certainly like you can be awake and asleep but you're actually walking around and you're awake right yes but

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yeah but a lot of people would when they first think of unconsciousness and Consciousness that's kind of like where they would think so maybe you could

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expand a little bit about what those terms mean and how it's a little bit

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different from like you just awake and you just asleep and that's it sure um first of all I want to say that we're

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all a little bit asleep okay uh the the path of personal development and the path of doing this work is using your

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life and and seeing how you're receiving your life to see where you're unconscious and we're going to be

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talking a bit more about that but um um wait can you repeat the question

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sure yeah I was just I think a lot of people people when if they don't have the experience that you have or they

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don't have a little bit of an understanding about the work that you do if you were to just say to somebody like off the street who's got none of this

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doesn't know anything about this like what do the words unconscious and conscious mean to you I think most people would say like oh I'm unconscious

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when I'm asleep I'm conscious when I'm up and awake right so let's talk about like what's the like the foundation of

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those words and how that flows into what you do which is helping people with

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their unconscious patterns that they have when they're up and about and awake and their brain is know going on right

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so I don't know if you've had this experience before um where you kind of

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look at your life and something that you've been trying to do or uh something that's been kind of coming up in your

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relationships and all of a sudden you kind of have the realization of like oh

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crap I am the common denominator of all of these experiences right so in past you were

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kind of a victim to what was happening to you or this is happening this is happening kind of putting the blame out

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there in the world this is because of this relationship this is because of that and all of a sudden what actually

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was unconscious you you you have a moment of awareness where you're like oh

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it's actually all over here with me and then from that awareness we can start

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the process of undoing a certain pattern or getting to the root of a certain

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conditioning that's causing the same experience to keep repeating over and over and over again in your life and

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where where do we begin to to start having these patterns and these

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conditions the this unconscious conditioning where does that start to settle and where does that like begin to

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grow and then start to become like a huge part of who we are and a lot of those things probably are quite negative

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from our past that we don't really want to be a part of our future personality

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and for a lot of people it ends up being like that trauma that happened to them years and years ago ends up being a huge

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part of who they are and then without that who who are they so it ends up becoming a huge part of their identity

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and yes that ends up leading them down a path which isn't really like who they

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genuinely are so it's a long question but the original question is like where did the beginnings of these unconscious

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patterns happen where are they born and how did they proliferate it's a very good question um so first of all it's I

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think it's it's important to understand that unconscious conditioning and patterns are interrelated but they're

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two different things okay so what most people don't understand about unconscious conditioning is that it is

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the the the direct result of an emotional experience okay so most people

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think oh I I've learned something over and over again and now it's just ingrained um and when they have that

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piece of awareness of like oh I am the common denominator of all of my experiences I've been saying I've been

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wanting to go to the gym and get fit for the past 2 3 years and I keep falling off and it's not something that I'm able

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to sustain they go straight into solution mode from their mind okay well

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in order to solve this problem I'm going to put in my calendar I'm going to go to the gym three times a week I'm going to

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start eating healthy and that's going to be the end of my problems right and then they fall off and then they're

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frustrated they don't understand they think something is wrong with them um but it's because they're trying to solve

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something that was created emotionally and in the nervous system logically and with their mind so I think it's

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important to understand that unconscious conditioning is the direct result of an emotional experience which created an

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emotional wound and when we talk about patterns patterns is something we put in

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place to try to protect ourselves from feeling that emotional wound that original emotional wound that came up

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yes it's the way that we've learned to cope with the the the the wound and the pain that is there can you give us an

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like an example of that of patterns well of the of the conditioning

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that leads to the patterns like is there like a typical example perhaps I'll give you a very um normal and innocent

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example of how conditioning is actually the direct result of an emotional experience um let's say that a very

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well-intentioned parent wants to teach their their child to have good manners they're very very well intentioned and

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they you know they're like well I want to teach my children you know thank you and and sorry and and

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all of the good manners so they can have an easier time in the world being a human being because that's what's expected of them right so the child asks

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for a toy and as the parent you go to give the child the toy and the the child goes to grab it and you're like what did

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I say you say thank you when somebody gives you something right um and the child ends up you know saying thank you

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but the the emotional experience that's actually happening for the child is oh

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in order for me to maintain a sense of attachment and a sense of belonging with

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this very uh influential person in my life which I very much depend on these

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behaviors are acceptable and these behaviors are not interesting the the the child is not going to think oh I

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have to learn to say thank you because that's the nice thing to do they're going to to learn be uh behavior

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modification in order to please externally yeah they're having to modify their own instinctual Behavior years to

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adapt to that circumstance I guess yes and in the long term because a lot of a

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lot of parents do that for sure um well-intentioned parents I must say as well yes um what do you think the

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long-term negative side effects of of that experience because you know if you if you experience that multiple times a

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day that becomes your new normal that's your conditioning so like what what do you think the long-term effects of something like that might be um the

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the the messaging that um somebody learned to internalize from um always

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being met with a certain set of expectations a certain set of rules a certain set of labels that they're

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expected to um uh meet and abide to is um because the the experience that

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they have of themselves doesn't match how what they're being met with for example the the the experience of

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certain emotion or they experience a certain uh state or um they have a

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certain experience of themselves and they're being met with no that's not okay these set of experiences and

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emotions and behaviors are only okay so the message that is actually being internalized is not every part of me is

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okay and acceptable and lovable yeah right and then they learn to construct certain identities certain labels that

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they become hyperfocused on because the the the the uh goal is that if I can

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meet these expectations and I will be valuable and lovable and acceptable in the world but we are human beings with

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Ever Changing experiences of ourselves Ever Changing emotions Ever Changing thought patterns and um you're

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constantly being reinforced with only certain parts of me are okay and so you

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show up in your relationships not showing all of who you are you show up in your life repressing and shunning

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certain parts of who you are with always an an underlying message of like there's something wrong with me there's

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something wrong with me there's something wrong with me yeah it sounds like from a very young age you could

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learn that there are like rules and stipulations to getting the things that

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you might want or even whether that's like the love and affection of your parent and it's a really innocent

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example for sure and there are obviously much more significant traumatic

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emotional experience as well certain lead a where your brain is going to

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protect itself through these patterns there is there like an example that anxiety super super common disorder

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that we have especially now in our culture yes and let's just take the pandemic for example which was very

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scary for a lot of people for a long pit for a very sustained period of time it's not like a 2minute stress fight or

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flight experience it was a 24/7 2 three year experience like really pushed at us

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in every single possible Direction every Walk of Life we're thrown thrown at with this fear um and a lot of people haven't

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got over that and they are now experiencing this anxiety so that let's say the pandemic is the example of this

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like very traumatic experience and then with the anxiety that people have now of

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like not wanting to go out in public places for example or not wanting invite family over at Christmas mhm um is that

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is the is the anxiety that they feel now like part of that pattern

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um I think anything that takes you out of a sense of belonging and peace and

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presence is always um your unconscious conditioning being at play right um with

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the pandemic you know it's um it's not just the fear and anxiety of like being

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sick or getting getting sick or there there's also the whole world became

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unstable and the the the very institutions that you thought were here

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to take care of you and the collective as well became a place that was unsure

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unstable and a place of unsafety um and I think safety is

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another one of those emotional wounds that a lot of people have I know it's something I've had to really um look at

15:28

and work on especially during the pandemic this sense of like unsafety that was constantly present um so like I

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was saying in the beginning your life whatever is happening externally is always going to be a mirror to the

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unconscious conditioning and the patterns that you have so everything in your life is always an opportunity for

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you to look at yourself and being like why am I experiencing this yeah what is coming up for me right now and and an

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opportunity to deepen into that yeah I feel like a lot of kids wa um maybe from

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My Generation That Grew Up Young with their sense of safety maybe

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in question perhaps you know um whether that was just from like tough parenting

16:13

harsh parenting like trying to you know create strong individuals that maybe as a part of like the parenting strategy in

16:19

like the 80s 90s perhaps and then when we see something like the pandemic where

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the fragility of all of our institutions are is shown in broad daylight and how fragile those are and how unstable they

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are and how unpredictable that they are um I'm sure that sense

16:39

of fragility in that moment starts to impact those patterns

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that we learned When We Were Young right am I am I babbling on there or does that make sense no that makes sense I think

16:52

obviously you know we have long lives and there's a lot of experiences that we have but you really said the the

16:58

foundation you create a certain Foundation from the ages of Zer till seven or eight and then everything that

17:05

comes in through your experiences it's kind of filtered through that unless and until it can be really looked at so we

17:13

yeah can you repeat that for us so from 0er to seven or eight years of age we develop um some strong patterns for the

17:21

rest of our lives you you create your your foundation for all of your beliefs and identities and the way that you see

17:28

the world and and other people and the way you relate to the world and other people who are you in the face of the

17:34

world and the people around you right yeah and we can't I mean I don't remember anything from when I was eight

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but we've obviously created such a large part of our brain and our consciousness of our of our own reality in that time

17:46

so it only makes sense that 10 years 20 years 30 years later that you're not actually aware of the patterns that were

17:52

solidified when you're 8 years old yes and a lot of um you know that's why I talked in the beginning talking about

17:58

about nervous system work um there's a lot of talks of like

18:04

nervous system regulation out there how to regulate your nervous system how to learn to regulate your emotions and I

18:12

think um a lot of it can be used to as a form of repression actually okay uh a

18:17

lot of the work around nervous system is actually nervous system capacity that I do with my clients what's that nervous

18:24

system capacity so I I'll give you an example let's say you have um your

18:29

partner says something that like pisses you off and you have a reaction of anger and you like you get angry and you're

18:35

like oh my gosh he SE a jerk or whatever it is and then you're like okay no nervous and regulation it's okay he

18:41

didn't mean it calm your breath calm your heartbeat like I can move on I don't need to be angry that's nervous

18:47

system regulation okay and when you do that you actually completely missed the

18:52

opportunity to learn about yourself in that moment and your partner right and your partner yeah but again everyone and

18:59

everything is a reflection of you okay right gotcha so the the nervous in

19:06

capacity in this example would be like um the ability to hold a certain emotion

19:12

or a certain State okay sometimes emotions and and a certain state of being are so Sensational for us that we

19:18

try to uh do something about them so that might look like being passive aggressive or being directly aggressive

19:24

towards your partner to try to um toal these Sensations down or you try to

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repress okay right either deny the emotion is there in the first place or tell yourself that the emotion is

19:36

useless and you shouldn't feel it in the first place or try to reason it down to

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like calm yourself down that's because you don't have enough nervous system capacity to be able to hold the emotion

19:48

and bring neutrality to it interesting nervous and capacity would would be the ability to be like wow I got really

19:57

pissed off what's happening in my body okay my heart is beating um I'm getting

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hot you know what is the uh and when you're able to just be there with that emotion and bring a sense of neutrality

20:09

and just hold it you create the space to be able to be like well what was that about MH right what is the internal

20:17

dialogue that was happening in my head as the emotion was going on or the internal dialogue was man he's such a

20:24

jerk he never listens to me he never see anything I do it doesn't matter what I do it's never seen and then you can be

20:30

like oh I just felt very unappreciated in this moment or where is that coming from do I feel this way often yeah

20:37

actually that comes up quite a bit in my relationships but if you don't have the nervous system capacity to hold a certain state or emotion you don't

20:44

create the space that is needed in order to be able to um surrender and follow

20:50

the threat of truth that the emotion is here to actually bring you so I imagine

20:55

that example when some when something does come up and you get frustrated and annoyed all those emotions start to to

21:01

Bubble Up inside of you what you described there that nervous system capacity you're actually able to look at

21:07

all of those things happening I just imagine it in my head as like a box of all these emotions just like trying to

21:12

fight their way out of this box but you're actually able to like sit there and be like and like analyze it and see

21:17

what's going on rather than everything just like spilling out and then you know you might get pH you might get physical

21:24

with your actions or you might get verbal with your actions but it it's coming out as a behavior that's certainly not a conscious thing that

21:31

you're in control of you know when we're all stressed out and frantic we we're certainly not like aware of that that's

21:36

not like our Norm yes but this nervous system capacity that you're talking

21:41

about creating that that space and time to analyze what's going on for you with

21:47

your thoughts and also your feelings at the same time and then being able to I

21:53

guess respond rather than react

21:58

which I guess is the difference between I don't know do you not like those sayings no no I do I do it's just the

22:04

the the the like 90% of the population are master repressors master repressors

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so a lot of the very valuable information that's out there a lot of people use to repress okay right so I

22:18

like how you said you know at first you said analysis I always say that analysis is about 10 to 15% of actually uh going

22:26

down the path of undoing and tell you why and when I say undoing I mean undoing unconscious conditioning okay in

22:32

order to undo a certain conditioning in order to actually heal from a certain

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emotional wound that was created in the past you um you need to be able to go

22:44

back to the emotional experience that happened that's at the very root of that specific unconscious conditioning

22:53

so the the process really takes time because a lot of people when they they

22:58

go on the Journey of like getting to know themselves and undoing unconscious conditioning they get met with all of

23:04

the expectations and all of the labels that they have of themselves if they have an expectation and and a label that

23:11

they have to be nice and they have to be accommodating and they have to be understanding when they get to the stage

23:16

of like nervous system capacity and they try to really look into a certain um

23:22

emotion or state if if um if the dialogue for example that

23:28

they're trying to to to hear from a certain emotion sounds like this this you know he's a jerk he never listens to

23:35

me blah blah blah blah blah you might come in with your mind to reason away these thoughts oh I shouldn't be

23:40

thinking that he's actually like a nice person like he actually does this and that for me right but it's never

23:47

actually about the other person it's always about you and getting to the root of what has you be a certain way what

23:53

has you tick what has you um get into your own way and so in order to be able

23:59

to get to the root of a certain emotional experience it takes a lot of time to actually thaw and

24:06

allow reality to exist as it is without you trying to interfere with what is actually present

24:13

and for that you need to bring a lot of acceptance to what you're feeling in the

24:19

moment and the actual healing part is when you get to the root of that um

24:25

unconscious conditioning of that emotional experience it's allowing yourself to feel it completely and

24:31

wholeheartedly with full permission just because you love yourself that much so

24:37

in order to really get to that it takes a lot of time and the time that it takes to thaw has nothing to do with analysis

24:44

right it has to do with really a commitment to really know yourself inside and out and reaccept all of the

24:51

parts of you that were um unconsciously kind of um you got the message that they

24:57

were not okay or acceptable that sounds like hard work honestly but it also

25:02

sounds super valuable and super necessary it's

25:07

um it it can be hard work in the beginning because you're rewiring so many um way of thinking but eventually

25:15

you get to a place where it just becomes a way of life like if something ever happens in my life I I now have the

25:21

tools to take the time to like look at what that is it no longer takes weeks or

25:26

months right it sounds like um you're getting PE you're getting yourself into a place

25:32

that's actually quite a normal way of how you're supposed to regulate yourself

25:37

and experience and what we've kind of leared and been experienced to with

25:43

unconditional um unconscious unconditional patterns is not particularly a healthy or normal way

25:50

that we would do that a lot of PE a lot of people's root cause of what they

25:56

experience in they're like now and they their day-to-day and their present it's going to be stuff from when they were like really really young I said earlier

26:02

I can't remember a lot of stuff from when I was eight nine 10 years of age so how do you

26:08

work with somebody or how do you work with yourself to find that route when it's so deep yeah um like I mentioned

26:16

before even a lot of the stuff can be preverbal so before you even had the ability to speak wow um so that's that's

26:25

where nervous system work really comes in because is the the emotional wounds that were created were created

26:31

emotionally and in your nervous system so it's not necessarily um needed to have a specific memory a specific moment

26:38

where everything changed you know often we don't even remember we remember events how we experience them we never

26:44

actually remember events as they were sure um so it's not necessary to have a specific memory or a specific event uh

26:52

what comes with the work is learning to really trust what comes for you and that anything that comes up for you is

26:59

completely valid and has a completely good reason to be there and it's trusting that you don't do anything

27:06

because you're lazy or a bad person or uh because you too much or not enough

27:12

you always have a very good reason for any way of being that you have so it's being able to trust yourself and then

27:19

something that I often bring to my work is Parts work so um I'll try not to get on too

27:27

long of around here but what happens when you have an emotional wound is you

27:32

you um com compartmentalize a certain part of you you separate your

27:37

Consciousness from a certain part of you so when something comes up and you react and you get triggered or you get passive

27:43

aggressive or you get defensive or combative or whatever however that uh pattern is showing up for you it's being

27:49

able to reconnect to that part of you and and feel whatever that part of you

27:55

is here to show you or or or is here to to um to tell you through sensation

28:02

through your nervous system through your emotions CU that was the language that you were speaking at the time yeah what

28:09

does meditation come into this type of work like I just feel like you would have to quieten the mind and sit the

28:17

body down to get into just a space to be able to like really feel and listen and

28:23

dig deep into these things is so is meditation a part of it yeah um I

28:28

personally I've been made I've been meditating for years and I I do um includeed in my work so I do a lot of uh

28:35

workshops and I include guided meditations if I'm ever working with a client and I can see they're like you

28:40

know struggling with something or or um grappling with something I'll often pause and actually do a small guided

28:46

meditation to try to guide them internally to where they're trying to go but they're too up here to go there when

28:54

I first started um coaching me as the coache with a coach I I went into the

29:01

the coaching relationship with um you know oh I'm like I'm here because I want to BU able to business and have all of these plans and blah blah blah and for

29:09

like a year and a half every time I brought something to my coach she was like yeah you got to slow down you got

29:15

to slow down you got to slow down I'm like what does that mean I'm not here to slow down but it's really the ability to slow

29:22

down internally so you can actually be with reality as it is and with whatever

29:27

is coming up for you without your mind trying to come in and like make it their own or like you know um spin spin you

29:35

out of control really um so I I personally think meditation is very beneficial and I use it often especially

29:42

when doing Parts work and trying to connect with a certain part of you so I think working with a coach is absolutely

29:48

vital for anything if you wanted to get in shape if you wanted to start eating better if you wanted to start doing all

29:54

these different types of things it's very good to have a support mechanism with you you but what's interesting about that is you might see that person

30:00

for an hour or a week or an hour every couple of weeks and there are a lot of hours outside of that time so is there

30:09

any like typical types of like homework you might give to somebody to actually like start practicing some of the things

30:15

that you're working with yeah absolutely um my job as a coach is never to

30:25

um to teach people how to heal or to teach people in a way it is but on a

30:32

deeper sense people already know how to heal just like your body is always

30:38

trying to get back to a state of homeostasis so is your emotional mental and spiritual wellbeing right so it's

30:45

it's uh helping people remember and giving them the tools to actually be able to to be empowered to do it on

30:52

their own and so there's definitely homework and the the work never stops because because your life is constantly

30:58

being a mirror to you for what is present for you as far as like patterns or beliefs or ways of being you're

31:05

constantly being met with um the the the

31:10

work really right and so the the coaching might be an hour a week or an

31:16

hour every two weeks but your life never stops and the the lessons never stops and the teachings never stop and so you

31:23

always have opportunities to apply the tools um and I I do definitely give my my client's

31:29

homework what do you think is within our culture right now which is poisoning a lot of

31:36

people's nervous systems physical and mental I guess that require to come and

31:42

work with somebody like you what I often say when I when I do

31:47

introduction workshops to unconscious conditioning is it is in our day and age

31:52

in our society I don't it's it's impossible not to have conscious

31:57

conditioning because we still live in a society that has so many rules and

32:04

labels and expectations for how human being is supposed to be what is acceptable wasn't what isn't

32:10

acceptable um and you can see it especially in social media today how

32:16

somebody being having a different opinion as you or having a different way of thinking as you they get cancelled

32:21

they get attacked right away that is that is a um a manifestation that

32:28

internalized uh pattern that permeates permeates throughout our society it it

32:34

doesn't even have to be spoken it just is right so um you know I think healing

32:42

little by little is a way to move forward in in creating a world where

32:47

that's not necessarily as necessary as it is today um and I do believe the

32:53

world is changing fast and that's why you're seeing so much unstability in the world right now um but uh yeah it it it

33:03

is inevitable to to be completely without unconscious

33:08

conditioning yeah I think for me I think that we have two words for me stick out

33:15

separation and connection and you think with the internet and social media you know these are supposed to be

33:21

applications that we use to connect with one another but we become disassociated

33:26

significantly and we have separations between our fellow human beings whether that's political um through you know

33:34

educational opinions religion Etc there's so many different aspects that divides us and separates us yes and

33:40

unfortunately it's actually happened very really really quickly where if you don't support team blue or team red then

33:48

you can't like literally be my friend we can't talk about it because that's just so for some reason that's so raw inside

33:54

of me that brings up such a buck of anger that I we we can't engage in in in

34:01

conversation yeah do you want to let the cat out in sorry let the cat in yeah I'm not

34:08

going to edit this out this is perfect Nina's got a beautiful cat that it's a bit cold out there now but he's inside

34:13

he's good yeah and is very vocal um I absolutely love what you say about

34:19

separation and connection because on uh whatever happens for you in your

34:24

internal work like there is there is your individual conditioning and then there is the global conditioning so

34:32

whatever reactions you are experiencing that tells you what's out of alignment for you internally the same is happening

34:39

on a bigger scale globally so the reason why I say I believe the world is changing because of all of the

34:45

unstability that's going on is because the unstability that's going on is just a reflection of a a collective internal

34:53

state that is out of alignment right and in order for to bring it into alignment

34:58

you first need that awareness piece and the way that the universe or whatever communicates through us is to bring it

35:05

to the surface so we can look at it right um what happens internally inside

35:10

of us with um unconscious conditioning with emotional wounds and patterns is is

35:16

always a separation when you have that message that a part of you isn't okay that a need that you have cannot be met

35:22

or is only conditionally met or you don't deserve to have this need met uh it creates separation inside of yourself

35:30

you you actually create segmentation inside of yourself and it creates a separation um and what we're seeing on a

35:37

global scale right now is a is a global manifestation of that internal wound that so many people have so doing the

35:45

internal work to bring yourself back to a place of wholeness and reintegrate all of these parts of you actually plays a

35:52

huge role in healing the external Global manifestation of the separation that's

35:57

actually going on right now yeah I think that the powers that be that control our

36:03

world are very aware of how separated and divided and fighting

36:11

tribal human beings are a lot easier to control than a

36:17

United population I think that um the work that we need to do to to heal and

36:23

to become whole and to become powerful individuals I think that's a threat to many institutions and I think that um

36:31

there's a huge deliberate factor of the fact that we you know can't talk to a Republican or we can't talk to somebody

36:38

who's a liberal for example um that we really really struggle with that but I think that that is going to blow up and

36:45

I see it now like more and more people are just absolutely desperate to be connected with their neighbor with their

36:50

Community um to to their family and friends and they'll come a point where

36:56

all of that external nonsense will remain nonsense and that true

37:03

connectivity and that that true communal part of us will just scream and explode

37:09

to the point where none of that other stuff will matter and we will just reunite and connect and I see that more

37:16

and more and I think that that's going to be a huge part of how we um heal from

37:23

the last in the last three years of of a pandemic which just split everybody up and create a lot of sadness and

37:30

negativity and lit literal negative frequency around the world which is palpable and you could feel it you can

37:36

feel the fear around the world and I think that we're going to get to a place where people are so desperate for that

37:43

the frequencies of love joy happiness gratitude that that's what we're going to get drawn to the universe is going to

37:48

pull that in for people and people slowly finding it every day and we'll get to a place of a lot more harmonious

37:56

and a lot of the walls that we've created physically and psychologically are going to break down yeah um what I

38:03

love about that is that sometimes when it feels like your life is falling apart and there's all of these things

38:09

happening to you um which is actually just a way for your system of the

38:15

universe to bring to you what is out of alignment the universe is bringing it to you because you've already asked for it

38:21

your soul on some level has already asked for something more for something better for something more Fuller

38:27

and so the process through which you have to go through is uncomfortable it's going to bring up all of the things that

38:33

are out of alignment so you can look at it so again when you look at a global scale there's so many people that are so

38:38

desperate for connection and to be connected to one another we have asked

38:43

for in a way what is actually happening in the world right now it is the universe being like look at everything

38:49

that is out of alignment before you can get to a place of connection there's all of these things you got to look at right

38:56

yeah it's a wild topic and it's just literally a global phenomenon but I think yeah more and more people you see

39:02

more and more um practitioners you see more and more like doctors even talking about talking about this it's becoming a

39:09

little bit more more mainstream and it's my hope it's my hope that more and more people get educated get get connected to

39:16

individuals like yourself and start wanting to do the work and get excite excited about doing that and also like

39:22

what we spoke about what you spoke about earlier about that like forgiveness and understanding of things that do come up

39:27

for people which have been like set from decades ago yes rather than like repressing that more or ignoring it kind

39:34

of cuddling those things up and working with somebody to to kind of would you say work through work through it or

39:42

rather than like fighting it like it's definitely like you it's more of a a cuddling rather than a com a combat

39:51

combative element yeah I mean I don't know if if cuddling is the right word cuz I you know as a CO you have to say

39:57

the hard truth that people don't want to hear that their egos are fighting which there can be any cuddling for that uh

40:04

but definitely the only way out of something especially a pattern or you know a certain wound is through it

40:12

anything else is a form of repression and only perpetuates what is there and

40:17

and um lets the wound Fester you know absolutely do you think that so this

40:23

uncondition so This unconscious conditioning is it do you think it's completely is it

40:28

avoidable or are there some aspects of it where people we have to just learn to live with it that's a good question that

40:35

I don't know if I have a definite answer for um something that I've

40:40

definitely uh experienced on my own personal journey is whenever I've I've

40:46

been able to work through something to the point of healing to the point where I'm able to feel it feel it

40:51

wholeheartedly and reintegrate it and accept it I feel so much much stronger

40:57

and whole than I I would have if I didn't have it in the first place the

41:03

the the act of going through it and getting to know yourself in that way um

41:08

had there's a lot of power to it it is very powerful uh I do think that the

41:13

world is evolving forever changing forever evolving and Humanity as a race

41:20

is trying to get to a point where it doesn't have to be so hard there doesn't have to be so much struggle and so much

41:27

healing that would need to happen in order to get to a place of wholeness or maintain a place of wholeness so if

41:34

unconscious conditioning is avoidable at all I don't think it's going to be for many thousands of years right now that's

41:40

a fair comment yeah I I hear what I've heard in the past about the majority of

41:46

the the things that we think do and say like 90% of them are like

41:52

unconscious unconscious patterns that happen for us by the age of like 25 or

41:57

30 for example so the majority of the things we think do and say are like they're not really things that we think about and then say feel or do and

42:06

certainly true certainly like me back in the past that was certainly true and I think for a lot of people can resonate with that as well but I think it's about

42:12

like tipping the scales a little bit towards like do we have the ability for 95% of what we think feel and do is

42:19

conscious and we're aware of it and we're in the present moment and it's not being dictated by our past patterns um I

42:26

think there's an interesting conversation to be had about like trying to like tip the scales a little bit especially a lot of people who do like

42:32

work like Dr Joe despenser and um Bruce Lipton they certainly work on using

42:37

meditation and other tools to allow people to become more aware in their present body create more of a a brain

42:44

Body Connection so you're actually being able to feel your body in the present moment and not being dictated by the emotions of like the past or the future

42:51

yes and to um to start breaking down those subconscious patterns that we that

42:56

we have that we have dealt with that we spoke about in the past but I want to talk to you about parents and kids CU

43:01

your example was interesting earlier like I certainly don't do that to my kids that example that you had but um I

43:08

used to have a I had a very small business in Sweden when I was a prechool teacher over there a whole life two life

43:14

I know you were a preschool teacher yeah got lots of stories I could tell you but yeah so I um I I wasn't comfortable with

43:21

how parents like insisted and even made their kids say please and thank you

43:28

these four year-old I had four four-year-old kids in my class and I was just like okay first of all they've only

43:33

been on the planet for four years they've only been conscious for four years and to have the expectation that

43:38

they would say the same types of things that are grown person would do is it's

43:43

not really it's not an expectation you should really have but there's also a place to obviously help nurture the use

43:51

of certain words and certain circumstances you can't really get through your adult life without saying please thank you open doors and having

43:58

manners right but there's a time and a place to learn that and there's a and how you do that is very important as well so I was really uncomfortable with

44:04

like I would give a I remember giving a gift to like a six-year-old mhm and then

44:09

there was a pause and I was kind of like waiting for a response but I didn't get one and it didn't bother me it's okay

44:15

like you know I gave this this kid a present I wasn't expecting anything in return I wasn't like I didn't want anything back from this gift and then

44:21

the parents pipe up and talk about like what do you say to Simon oh thank you and it's this this disingenuine response

44:28

right and that bothered me as I was like how can we create like a different way of kids wanting to use these words MH so

44:37

I I created this very small clothing line of like very colorful shirts and very bubbly writing and it was like

44:43

there was I think there was three or four it was a combination of Swedish and English one said like thank you one said

44:48

taxim which is thank you very much in Swedish and I think the other one was like cheers and hi and basically the the

44:56

kids we had this like really funny like tickled box and all these shirts were thrown inside each kid would go in pick

45:01

a shirt they look at it they talk about what they had and they wear it and they were actually like that word for the day

45:08

so that their word for the day was like please so they had thank you on and they would kind of use that and they would and then they would end up using these

45:13

words in a fun in a fun way which I don't know like I'm not a psychologist or a child psychologist but I thought

45:19

that'd be a much more interesting way for a child to learn through play how powerful language is and these types of

45:27

words um so how do you think parents can help their children um

45:33

develop I guess healthy patterns because everything we do think and say right now

45:38

it's all patterns of some some sort that we've learned that we are exhibiting but like how can we do our very best because

45:45

we're not going to do a perfect job of of trying to get our kids to exhibit these healthy

45:51

patterns um there's a lot there and I I loved everything that you said um

45:58

so children develop like Child Development is actually something I'm very passionate about I actually before

46:05

I got into nutrition I went to school for child studies because I wanted to work with children and I worked with

46:10

children for 10 years in you know various capacities in like preschools dayc carees as a nanny I didn't know

46:15

that yeah and uh one of the one of the methods that we learn was the montauri

46:21

method which is that a learn a child learns through play yeah this is how

46:26

children learn this is the language of children so I love the method that you use there I always it always also always

46:34

bothered me when I saw like you know um people or parents again very well intention saying to the kids you have to

46:41

say sorry what do we say we say thank you and the the kid says it but the kid doesn't mean it right

46:48

um so I don't have any children yet I I have one on the way obviously and it's something I think about a lot and and I

46:55

I'm saving a lot of videos from very competent uh therapists and child psychologist that I really like and it's

47:03

your question is interesting as well because you're like how can we create healthy patterns a pattern in and of

47:09

itself um means that there is an emotional wound to begin with that's interesting

47:16

right so uh there there's two things I want to say to that I don't have a

47:21

definite answer for how to teach our children how to say sorry thank you and please and a genuine way uh I haven't

47:27

experienced that yet with my own children something that I've been looking at and that I absolutely believe

47:33

is that uh always coming back to a place of connection with your child is what

47:38

will give them the space to to be able to express themselves in a genuine way

47:44

so instead of being like you say sorry you say thank you it's creating a space a space of connection to invite them to

47:50

say to say these thing if these things if they want to a child is not incapable

47:56

of feeling gratitude a child is not incapable of of expressing um you know

48:01

these these like Words these manners uh and children also go through

48:07

developmental stages so understanding the developmental stages that they go through um because for the for the

48:13

longest not for the longest time but for the first few years of their life they are the center of their own Universe

48:19

yeah that's that's just their experience at the time that develops eventually as they grow all but for a few years they

48:27

are at the center of their whole world right so I don't know if I answered your question at all but um I I think when

48:35

you force a child to say certain words because that's what's proper you there's

48:40

a lack of connection there and the child might might say it but they definitely don't mean it um and it's creating a

48:46

space to to um teach your children that it's okay to feel whatever they're feeling and to help them understand and

48:53

deepen into what it is that they are feeling from a place of just wanting to connect with them rather than expecting

49:00

a certain behavior from them yeah one thing I've learned with kids is that if you provide them the space and the love and the

49:07

support where they feel they feel like they're not going to be abandoned and they feel loved and they feel that

49:14

warmth then they will they'll be authentic and they will pick up I don't

49:20

want to say what's right in the world but they will pick up your mannerisms mhm for sure

49:26

and I can say with 100% confidence that when there is that example of when a

49:32

parent says what do you say or say thank you or say sorry and I've I've done this for sure but um it comes from a place

49:40

where you don't as a parent you don't want the other parents to think that you have a horrible child that has no man

49:47

parent yeah it's got nothing to do with the child it's got nothing to do with teaching them manners and wanting them

49:53

to be polite and want them to grow and and benefit from learning language it's got nothing to do with that it's about

49:58

your own ego as a parent and not wanting to um have other human beings think that

50:04

you've raised a nasty little devil when they're four years old and you know they

50:10

are they've got the ability to be nervous and shy very very quickly and they don't have 30 40 years of

50:17

experience of human interaction they just don't have that so you can't have that same expectation so you did answer

50:22

that question thank you very much we're going to we're going to clarify the question that we asked at the top of the

50:27

show um I think we've covered unconscious conditioning and what how

50:33

that differs to the patterns and how that um Works to the present day and

50:39

Consciousness as well and I think we can get you back on the show to talk a little bit more about Consciousness because I think that's an interesting

50:45

topic it's being studied more and more these days and it's such a beautiful

50:51

wild um like Supreme Consciousness is like a goal that people people want to obtain and you know some people do it um

50:59

so the question we ask at the top of the show is what can I do today to bring awareness to my unconscious unwanted

51:05

patterns um before I answer that can I add something to the child parent relationship uh because you did ask me

51:12

what can parents do to instill healthy patterns in their children um the people

51:18

closest to you in your life will trigger you in ways that nobody else can oh yeah

51:23

and there's a reason for that and children trigger you more than anything because you see yourself in them so much

51:31

and so the way that you can really truly help your child grow in a way that is

51:36

wholesome and free is to do the work yourself so you don't transmit whatever

51:42

is in healed inside of you um even the the the most well-intentioned parents

51:47

who are very careful with what they say and how they say to their children children pick up on non-verbal cues and

51:53

on how you you are in the world way more than you teaching them or saying a

51:59

certain thing so they'll be observing you they'll be observing how you live your life how you repair certain things

52:05

because we're not perfect we're human we might like have a reaction or do something that we're not proud of how do

52:10

you repair that situation how do you come back to your child and say hey look I yelled and I I that wasn't right I got

52:17

overwhelmed by my emotions and I'm sorry how did that make you feel or see how you you might repair something with your

52:23

partner right so the best way I believe to um help children grow without

52:30

emotional wounds or without um as much unconscious conditioning or patterns um

52:35

is really to do the work on yourself first yeah I think recognizing the the

52:40

individualism with the kids as well like they were are going to be very very similar to you and Mom but also

52:47

recognizing that they are their own organism they are their own identity they are their own everything yeah and

52:55

it's it's important to recognize that there are going to be like differences there and there's going to be unique

53:00

things within that person and that's obviously okay and we have to want to like nourish that because we don't want

53:06

to be raising like mini mes yes I love that I totally agree yeah the kid piece

53:11

is very very interesting and there there's so much to it and there is there's there must be 10,000 parenting

53:17

books out there and they can't all be right and they can't be wrong so it's like I think that we survived as human

53:23

beings for a good 200,000 years years before there were printed books and I

53:28

guess they all they could do was work with their instincts and work with the

53:36

natural ways that they had that they could do with you know so like absolutely yeah there's there's

53:42

obviously lot to learn from books but also working with like yourself and being confident with that there's a big

53:48

big value to that but the question yeah the question at the top of the show is going to be what can I do today to start

53:54

bringing awareness to my unconscious unwanted patterns um I like this question because it implies that you

54:02

have to do something right um but you actually can live your life and your life will show you where

54:09

you're out of alignment so any situation in your life where you notice yourself

54:15

uh coming out of a peaceful empowered state is going to be an opportunity for

54:21

you to um to look at a certain pattern so somebody says something that triggers

54:26

you you find yourself getting upset or passive aggressive or you find yourself

54:31

going into an autopilot way of being uh that is an opportunity for you to like

54:37

pause and being like what is that about nothing that is happening internally and

54:43

inside of you is ever your partner's fault the government's fault the fault

54:50

of whatever is happening externally in your external circumstances uh it is only pushing a

54:55

button inside of you and then holding up a mirror so then it's the whole work of like slowing down and being like Oh I am

55:02

the common denominator of my experiences what is this mirror here to show you about myself what can I learn here about

55:10

myself so it's it's um I don't know if it's a really

55:16

practical answer I think I think most people can certainly take something from that and

55:21

they can see or recognize times in their lives when that's a factor and I think

55:27

there multiple times during a day where you'll be able to recognize that mhm yeah beautiful thank you well do you

55:32

have any there's obviously so many books and podcasts about this topic which is wonderful do you have any favorites that

55:39

you'd like to maybe recommend people grab yeah I mean there's people that I follow that I absolutely love um a

55:45

great uh person to look at when looking at

55:52

um the way that everything in our life is a mirror is Byron Katie she's someone that has

55:58

helped me tremendously in my life through her work her work is literally called the work um and so I think a good

56:04

book to start with might be loving what is um beautiful book that's helped me a

56:10

lot um I love people like Gabor mate as well is someone I I I follow and listen

56:16

to a lot um a book that's I think changed my life more than any other um

56:23

which is more on the spiritual side but it's conversations with God uh that's a book that's I read at the moment that I

56:29

needed to read it and brought me a lot of peace and answers um when it came to The Human Experience nice um so I would

56:36

definitely recommend that that's good that would keep people busy yeah good work um can you let us

56:44

know where people can maybe connect with you and learn more about your work yeah so they can definitely find me on

56:49

Instagram uh my name is n.v so Nino is n i n o n the French version Nino noo uh.

57:00

vuk um I think the best way to stay in touch with what I'm up to and what I'm doing and where I actually send a lot of

57:06

free content um and and opportunities to connect with me is via my email list so

57:13

um if people go to ninov vukovich aweb a web. page so n i n o n v

57:23

u k o v i. aweb a web. page they can sign up for

57:30

my mailing list um I send a lot of free stuff and there's a lot of free workshops and free geted meditations

57:37

that I send and then whenever I'm up to something and there's like a program coming out um I I let them know via

57:43

email and then they can always respond directly back to me via email if if they want to connect amazing I'll make sure

57:49

all that information is in the show notes of the podcast and people can get a hold of you thank you but now it thank

57:55

you so much for coming on to the show and talking about um all things unconscious conditioning such a big

58:00

beautiful topic and I really appreciate it thank you for having me that was I had a really good time a awesome thank

58:05

you so much well that is it for this episode of True Hope cast the official podcast of true hope Canada I hope you enjoyed the show again if you want to

58:12

connect with Nino or you want to check out some of those Awesome books and references you can look in the show notes and get connected with that but

58:19

that is it we'll see you next week thanks

58:28

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