0:00

in my book I have I cover a number of different relationships relationships

0:05

with myself with food clothing animals humans community and divinity

0:11

and it's all encouraging the reader to love themselves as they walk through the

0:19

pages being intentional reflecting on where am I at in these different

0:24

relationships how can I care for them and how can I care for myself at the same time so an example of one of the

0:32

page spreads from the one of the chapters about relationships with human beings

0:38

is about making a promise to myself that whenever I have a conflict or tension

0:45

with my spouse or with anyone else a new promise that I will love myself in that

0:50

so for example if I say a sharp word to you and I hear

0:56

it and I feel bad I will love myself if I forget to show up to our coffee date I

1:03

will love myself if um you let me down somehow

1:09

and you're not responding to my emotional need I will love myself

1:17

um I will also you know want to show up and apologize and own my part and grow

1:23

and transform and learn as well but I also don't want to miss the step to love

1:29

myself in all of that good day hello greetings wherever you are in the world thank you for joining true hope because

1:35

the official podcast of true hope Canada true hype cast takes a deep dive into the many physiological and psychological

1:42

aspects that make up mental health this is the show for you if you're looking for motivation inspiration knowledge and

1:48

solutions that's what we are all about here at true hope Canada and true hope Canada is a mind and body based

1:53

supplement company dedicated first and foremost to promoting brain and body Health through non-invasive nutritional

1:59

means for more information about us you can visit truehopecanada.com today I welcome Rachel ORS to the podcast now

2:06

Rachel is a psychologist Illustrated self-help author art playgroundist and

2:12

clothing Ambassador who also loves to listen to The beauty within people today

2:17

we're going to be discussing nurturing relationships enjoy the show okay Rachel welcome to True hope class

2:24

thank you so much for being with me for being with us how are you what is going well oh gosh thank you I'm well I'm

2:32

super well I just am extra boosted yesterday was actually on a local TV

2:37

show responding to some like beautiful questions and encouraging audience

2:43

members it was so much fun so I'm so happy to follow up and be here with you now very cool as an introduction why

2:51

don't you let us know who you are and what it is that you do please okay great so I Rachel Oz I work as a psychologist

2:59

art playgroundist I'm an author and a clothing Ambassador

3:05

and influencer very cool and you're on a TV show what yesterday what were you what were you

3:11

talking about what you want what questions were people answering I wonder what's Hot Topic these days exactly I

3:16

was on a show called Twin Cities Live and it's a talk show and I was asked questions about

3:25

um because I have this new book the relationship book I was asked a lot of relevant questions in regard to that

3:32

about tell us about how important it is to have a relationship with ourselves

3:38

and questions like is it more complex being in our 20s to be able to look at

3:44

that without experience and much experience in our lives than it is let's say midlife or later in our lives we

3:52

talked about clothing and about our relationships with others and nurturing those just a number of

3:59

um just lovely conversations for the audience well that's very cool how how would you

4:06

go about answering questions about because when you when you think about relationships I think most people will immediately think about their relationship with a partner or a friend

4:13

or somebody else another entity like a relationship with a pet relationship with your job relationship with your

4:19

hobbies you know so it's always external external external but we very rarely like introvertly look back towards

4:26

ourselves and think about the relationship that I have with my physical body my mental body the

4:32

personality that I would consider to be my like core authentic self or the ones that I fake and put out into the world

4:39

unconsciously so there's like obviously so much going on with that so how would you would you go about like answering a

4:45

question about like how do I begin to start opening a dialogue with myself to

4:52

develop the relationship yes well there's you know I think numerous

4:58

portals or numerous ways to enter into that precious dialogue with ourselves

5:05

some of us know it um in our ordinary days where we just

5:11

even do it somewhat unconsciously but sometimes like in our in-between places in the shower we might sort of mutter

5:19

things or sing things right or in the car when we're by ourselves we may talk to ourselves a little bit do you know

5:25

what I'm saying um in the bathroom you know just all these different areas where we do know

5:32

about talking to ourselves and we're doing it of course all the time even if

5:37

it's silently in our own head whether it's out of stress or Joy or all the

5:42

different places but I think that some of the dialogue can also become more

5:48

intentional it can be um a dialogue of what are the ways I am

5:55

doing self-care that I am taking care of myself anything from as basic as my

6:03

exercise food sleep you know what I'm saying um like that too

6:10

um creating wild and beautiful experiences for ourselves you know what

6:16

if I give myself a hot air balloon at sunset or I go

6:23

um you know and give myself good company and go to the zoo and dialogue with the

6:32

animals even if it's quietly in my mind or go dance in the rain you you get the

6:37

idea um the last thing I want to say about a way to be in dialogue and self-care and

6:45

connection with ourselves is to begin to realize I have many different parts of

6:52

myself inside who I can be in dialogue with and you can even be a little

6:58

playful about it I have a purple guy inside who's always anxious and I want

7:04

to be in dialogue with him and taking care of him I have

7:09

um a chatty part of my self who wants to be heard who has so much to say and I

7:15

want to be present and listen to what's going on for her Etc so to begin to even identify

7:23

different parts inside to listen to to be with to have compassion for

7:28

well it's just so rare for us to sit and be still and be quiet and it can be very

7:34

difficult for those different internal parts of us to even be heard when there's just so much

7:40

literal noise coming in and we're sent the over the the um just the overload of our senses is

7:46

just you know we're we're not too used to you know sitting still or meditating or being present with our bodies where

7:53

we're able to maybe feel um discomfort or pain or hear these

7:59

internal things that keep coming up for us it can be so difficult to even do that and you can just see like if you

8:06

ask most people to sit down still and try and maybe meditate for five to ten minutes how uncomfortable their body is

8:12

in that state because their body is literally used to taking them from one place to the other and it's kind of like

8:17

running the show but when we want to kind of like engage our mind a bit consciously to sit the body still it's

8:23

kind of like training a dog to sit stay there let's relax here yeah you're gonna

8:28

try and make me feel itchy you're going to make me think that I need to get up and do all these types of things so it

8:33

can certainly be a difficult thing in in the beginning but once you get there could be super empowering because

8:39

there's so much that your body can tell you you know like I think of pain for example this is a really strong message

8:46

that the body is telling us and we do our best to discard it or drug it away and just like

8:53

not listen to it but it's like it's there for a reason our body is unbelievably um unique and complex and and working

9:00

for us kind of all of the time so yeah just like beginning to be still and be

9:05

present and be conscious with ourselves is a huge part of that um self-care relationship piece and I

9:13

want I wanted to ask you in regards to in regards to

9:19

actually taking some steps to connect with that self

9:24

is there like a good practical way of doing it when it comes to like Trauma from a past self or your past

9:31

personality and your history I've personally found it very helpful to like

9:36

write a letter to my like 10 year old self and then and then write it back

9:42

from my 10 year old self back to me and I'll have a dialogue there and I've recommended that to some nutrition

9:48

patients nutrition clients of mine who have had you know issues with food their whole lives and they can kind of stem it

9:55

back to a period of their life where they had a lot of trauma whether that's their parents breaking up or a physical

10:00

injury they can trace a lot of this trauma back to themselves but you know that's one example like of reconnecting

10:07

with your old past have you got any other examples yeah first of all I love

10:12

that and I think that's brilliant and I think that there's a lot of research behind when it comes to working with

10:19

people around food around nutrition around trauma that it does help to gain

10:26

perspective and to what what I would call externalize parts of yourself and

10:32

so if you externalize okay my 10 year old self or another age of yourself that

10:38

it's helpful to sort of gain perspective and do that and it is absolutely related

10:45

to what I was sharing too about almost naming different parts of you the my my

10:51

purple guy my nervous self or you know I could call Another Part candy she always

10:56

wants candy or you know and have the different parts dialogue and you can do that with letters or role plays or

11:02

different ways right I also like that you said sometimes

11:08

though it's and especially with trauma I think it can be hard to hear to listen

11:13

and sometimes we don't want to and in part out of our defenses and not wanting to feel pain and so I think that there

11:21

is this um important step about how do I create a emotionally safe environment

11:26

for myself to listen and even doing doing it in um tender and gentle and

11:34

little ways so for example um if you're somebody who likes nature

11:40

whether it's the woods or being near water Etc mountains

11:46

to go out of your way to give yourself that environment to go on a walk-in and

11:54

um or to sit in or do a ritual there you know I'm going to put something in a

12:00

bottle writing to my 10 year old self or right reading from my wise self to my heart

12:07

who is tender saying some beautiful things and I'll send it out on the bottle in the water or imagine the wind

12:16

in nature whisking your messages um to you know the wise frogs or the the

12:26

birds with wings who can you know help you to feel lighter with

12:31

their feathers or you know making it or you know creating a little um bonfire and doing messages that way

12:38

rituals can be very helpful but I think this piece about making it safe for you

12:44

and also not making it so humongous maybe you just write one sentence maybe

12:49

it's not a whole letter so I also like the idea of making it bite-sized

12:54

yeah you know what if you if we had this conversation say we met in a coffee shop

13:00

and we just started chatting and you explained to you explain explained to me all of that wonderful stuff when I was

13:06

20 years of age yeah I would I would be like that is so far like Off the Wall

13:12

that's wild that's mad like I can't yeah what I'm really saying is that I've yet

13:18

to experience and understand what what like physical or mental trauma is and how it sits in the body and can create

13:23

physical matter and disease right right but when I'm when I'm a young when I'm a young person with that lack of

13:29

experience and knowledge and education because I don't understand it I'm probably just going to be like you know

13:34

whatevs put it to the put it to the side because my level of understanding isn't there yet because my ego is just like

13:40

you know if I don't understand it then it's nonsense but it's you've explained that beautifully there and I wonder if

13:45

you could talk to us a little bit about how um especially as as young people when our nervous systems and our biology and

13:53

our physical self is so underdeveloped yet that when something that might seem as an adult not that traumatic or that

13:59

big of a day deal but when you were 10 years old and like maybe we're in the classroom and the the teacher said

14:05

something to us and everyone laughs at us for example like we might as an adult we might just brush that off and be fine

14:11

with it and but as a young child it could be a very difficult thing to to digest so can you tell us a little about

14:18

how we hold those like traumas and stories and in ourselves and how that

14:24

can actually manifest itself into you know pathologies when we you know when

14:29

when we're older if we don't actually deal with that initial scenario

14:35

yeah because as you're saying when we're really young we don't have the defenses or you know built up to deal with things

14:42

as well and we um our brains aren't very developed yet and so we don't also have the brain to

14:50

be able to abstractly think about things and complexly so I think that you know

14:57

as you're pointing to where that ends up going is it just gets stuffed into the

15:04

body into our nervous systems into our dear hearts into symptoms sometimes you

15:12

know just and so um in in our 20s one of the biggest

15:17

gifts at any age but maybe especially in your 20s one of the greatest gifts then

15:23

we can give ourselves knowing that some of those painful experiences are now

15:29

just in our bodies is to do body work take a yoga class

15:37

um you know maybe get acupuncture do things that even are gentle like go

15:44

on walks do stretching do some breath

15:50

work just being with your breath it doesn't have to be anything complicated in your thought life

15:56

so just considering how to be with the body in those ways

16:04

and you know another thing is that if you can be in some kind of class like

16:11

yoga as just one example or Tai Chi um in those classes as we all know

16:18

that we're all generally doing movements at the same time down dog you know

16:24

different sorts of you know move your arm here there and there is something for trauma that

16:30

is very soothing to see that as I am moving this way so is everyone else in

16:37

the room that there that were in sync together and that when you experience yourself as

16:46

in sync with others over and over and over there's something about that that's

16:51

also really calming for trauma because what happened with the trauma is you

16:58

were terribly out of sync with whoever else was there whether it's the children in the classroom laughing at you they

17:05

were out of sync with you right they weren't affirming you they weren't saying yes I understand you as you're

17:12

nodding they're nodding which we need as human beings we need that mirroring

17:18

emotion and physical you know friendlings in you lean in we need that

17:25

mirroring body language and emotion and so

17:30

um it can be healing to provide in-sync mirroring experiences for ourselves now

17:36

when we have trauma so all these kinds of embodied things and in-sync mirroring

17:42

things can be really helpful that's great and I think it's so um so

17:48

valuable to to help people kind of understand this because as I said like because I have 20 if I was 20 years of

17:54

age yeah or even like there's plenty of like you know grown grown adults that can't really

18:00

get their head around this as as an idea so I always think you know I'm a very like scientific type of guy so I kind of

18:06

need to understand how these things work in the body to to understand like what

18:12

you're talking about and how that actually works how that actually works to to heal to digest um you know Ancient

18:17

Ancient stories um yeah and when we're just um constantly

18:24

in this like high frequency beta brainwave which we usually are because we're so well every day is just so

18:30

determined by you know the external things that happening to us whether that's just like literal light or you

18:38

know the busy busy busy work life that we have like we never really get to engage apart from when we're in sleep into that like Alpha data

18:46

um Delta brainwave where when we do do meditation we do yoga we walk in nature

18:51

and we start to become still and we start to actually like really slow down what the brain's doing it begins to

18:57

organize itself and allow you to get to certain parts of your let's say

19:03

psyche or your your brain or even your physical self because you know we know that there's a significant amount of um

19:10

neurological activity within your gut for example some have a gut feeling about something there's a reason for

19:15

that like 70 of our like neurological system is like within our gut it's quite you know it's a remarkable nervous

19:22

system it's a great reminder yes a super big reminder because when we start you know feeling uh gut symptoms

19:29

and we might go and see we might go and see the doctor to get a referral or we might start taking you

19:35

know uh like I don't know antacids and all these other things to help our gut but we're not wouldn't relate that to

19:41

maybe the stress of the presentation that's coming up or just the the stress of just 2022 so we've kind of make these

19:48

disconnections but when we're able to sit and be still it really allows the body to like relax reorganize and

19:54

literally like reduce its like frequency that's being constantly emitted and it's

19:59

allowed to like kind of like take a break what what do you think do you think the

20:04

do you think the like kind of old-school Macho get over it type of mentality is

20:11

like actually quite because I I grew up in that totally and it served me in some ways but it also served me didn't serve

20:18

me in other ways in regards to let's just call it emotional intelligence I suppose which I've kind of developed

20:23

along the way of like having you know studying nutrition studying Neuroscience having kids having a wife you know all

20:30

these things certainly um help benefit that's more sensitive side to you yeah

20:35

how damaging do you think that like that that ideology of just like you know I'll just get over it you'll be all right

20:42

it's fine you know like that that type of like weirdly acute reductionist

20:48

thought pattern of like okay that's how I'm gonna get rid of my trauma right and would you even say furthermore that that

20:55

males tend to get that at least in the U.S more of a yeah so I would say

21:02

um it's really interesting first of all our bodies and hearts and souls reject

21:08

it at least unconsciously right and so it's like being told don't when you're

21:14

angry don't be angry and then you feel more angry right it's like it it doesn't

21:19

help but instead I mean as long as the anger is expressed in a way that is safe

21:25

and so it has some respect and honor attached to it to say it as someone who's expressing it

21:33

um appropriately to say um you are so rightfully angry you know

21:39

it's like it just has the opposite effect of oh some relief you know that

21:45

again being in sync with each other and so it's traumatic as I had mentioned before when we experience people who are

21:52

out of sync with us so to say get over it is being out of sync with you and it

21:58

creates I mean you see I see studies with little kids where a caregiver is laughing as they're

22:06

crying you know they're doing it Opposite out of sync response and it just makes the kids more and more

22:11

Disturbed and upset and so what happens is it because it goes from being a

22:17

difficult experience to be told get over it to it bordering on being almost

22:23

traumatic because they're stepping so out of in sync with you

22:28

um and they're they're teaching you to not listen to or trust your feelings they're teaching you that feelings have

22:35

some threat attached to them and so it becomes way more work as we grow up to

22:41

have to relearn and um and it all goes into the body right so

22:48

then we have more healing work to do and the healing work is absolutely available and hopeful but it creates more work for

22:57

us yeah it certainly does and I think it's um yeah I think as a

23:02

as a parent with young kids I think if you're unable to become like kind of

23:07

super conscious of about what their experiences in the world you know they're and my kids one in three years

23:14

of age and you know I could use the I could use the phrase kind of get over it all of the time but I think that there

23:20

are some instances where like you know he'll my son will fall over and he is

23:25

physically absolutely fine he might just be like you know shop for the fence by the sense that he's just fallen over but

23:32

they're completely different circumstances when yeah they are like crying uncontrollably because they've

23:37

yet you know they've only had three years of experience with like anger and rage and frustration and all these

23:44

things I've got 38 years of experience with so I've got well I've got a better handle on it but like I wouldn't say

23:50

it's perfect by any means because we're always learning right totally we hope we are yeah yeah I hope that we are and

23:56

yeah I think having young kids and being conscious with the fact that they are learning that they are learning how to

24:02

be with their emotions and how to think and how to feel and how to behave and I've have I have a role as his parent to

24:10

help him not just like ignore emotions because it's certainly that used to be

24:15

they used to be unbelievably that used to be a parenting method it's also just like especially with young men and young

24:21

boys and their little kids too no not you know not feel pain not feel

24:26

emotion not be um vulnerable or anything to suck it up you know like these absolutely nonsensical

24:32

um terms but right being aware that you know I've I've got this big role in this in my kids development in so many

24:39

different ways but also being able to be present and sit with him when he is going to be like upset and and and not

24:45

happy it's so important to be aware of those things I agree wholeheartedly and

24:50

I I like to think of those with those young kids as teaching moments okay they're crying this is a chance to

24:57

express empathy for their feelings and teach them that it's okay to feel their

25:03

feelings teach them about regulation about what would it be like if you tried

25:09

to get to notice where your breathing is as you cry what if we took some breaths

25:15

together like sort of also teach them about feeling the feelings and also

25:20

about helping them to learn how to calm their body you know I think that there's all kinds of moments there one of my

25:27

favorite teaching moments that I'm thinking of as a parent I'm also a parent although my sons are now in their

25:33

20s different seasons precious Seasons when they were young

25:40

in the night when they would come into our bedroom and say they had a nightmare

25:45

because of a study I had read we would play this game and

25:51

um I would say let's sit in a circle here on the bed and let's together make

25:56

up new endings to that dream so that it feels better to you and will each take a turn to

26:02

and because the research shows when you just wake up from a nightmare if you

26:09

um either write down or begin to imagine a new ending that feels better you begin to interrupt the sequence of that

26:15

nightmare um and it just and start to work it out in your psyche so that that became a

26:23

teaching moment not as shameful go back to your room get over it right but let's

26:28

let's try to well that's interesting let's band together here let's you know that kind of thing so gosh Simon I'm so

26:35

with you yeah it's a really interesting example because yeah like we don't really

26:41

remember our dreams so so well right so they but they get locked away somewhere because eventually that dream's gonna

26:47

come back we're going to have that same dream again so they get it gets put somewhere yeah but if we were to just you know forget it and kind of not do

26:53

anything with it especially if it's a child then we're talking about like a nightmare that's caused them cause them

26:58

to wake up and be disturbed in some sort of way and move their body to be closer to their like security

27:06

um that's a that's a big moment for them and to to just like brush that aside just because I'm like tired or I'm

27:12

sleeping that's just like such lazy parenting but I can see how a lot of people might do that if they're not

27:17

aware of the ramifications having a dream is and the emotion because you

27:23

know if I'm I'm 40 and my kid comes in with a dream I know that it's just a nightmare and it's not it means nothing right but my four-year-old doesn't quite

27:31

have that it's everything yes so yeah I love I love that idea and I love the

27:36

idea I love the idea of like sitting with that sitting with the experience and explaining and talking about it right and that's that's digesting the

27:42

experience and moving through it like you would with your food rather than just like where it is

27:50

wonderful oh that's just profound that you saw that yes

27:57

great I'm glad you like that that was yeah that's great I'm I wanted to ask you

28:03

about how important it is to because you know taking taking the time to like self-reflect on

28:10

ourselves and I want to say like our true authentic self which I think unless

28:15

you do some hard work or you've been brought up incredibly well we tend to create personalities that we

28:23

feel should fit into the into our society and into our little worlds into our little groups whether that's our

28:28

workplace or our sports team or the bar we go to whatever it is we'll create different personalities to fit in there

28:35

to become part of our group right um and certainly we can have aspects of

28:41

that which are our true authentic self but we also we also manipulate that or authenticness

28:47

to to fit in yeah and I just wonder what your thoughts are are and the importance

28:53

of becoming a little bit more connected to that true authentic self like who we are and and how we want to be and how we

29:00

put that out into the world and not be scared of um how that might be perceived or how we

29:06

might think it will be perceived yes yes yes yes yes um I as you're saying that because it's

29:13

such a huge topic is that I'm going to try to do it in a bite-sized example way

29:18

and so the bite size example I'm going to choose is about our clothing and it

29:25

happens to be one of my Expressions that I enjoy and have thought about in deep

29:31

ways um so I think about how we get dressed when we're little

29:37

um unless we have a really traumatic childhood we tend to just go ahead and say I want to wear that sock and I want

29:44

to wear that sock you know what brings me joy and maybe they don't even match but in the in the joy they match and we

29:52

just pick out our outfits because it Delights us right not because we're necessarily thinking about what others

29:58

will think of the outfit so and then as we grow up some of us get

30:03

teased and or some of us learn things like well in my profession I'm quote supposed to wear this or I you know etc

30:11

etc and then we start learning these other things and start forgetting what the child in us so brilliantly new to begin

30:18

with and so I think that you know so there's all this social conditioning

30:24

and um while of course it's important to

30:29

have boundaries that I'm not going to share who I am in like full go with

30:36

every single human it's you know they have to earn my precious my full

30:41

preciousness so we do of course get to have boundaries I just want to at least acknowledge the boundaries piece

30:49

but aside from that I think in general what I've been trying to retrain myself

30:56

around is my joy and so for example in the realm of clothing I have been over

31:02

the last number of years selecting items that bring me joy and it began

31:10

um I'm now 56 it probably began in my early 40s I was at a Dayton's department

31:15

store when there was still Daytons and I was looking in the little teeny mirror trying on different glass eyeglass

31:21

frames and when I would try in the green purpley swirly ones I'd start giggling

31:27

in the mirror and then I'd try on other pairs that just I was like well those look reasonable and a good shape on my

31:34

face and then I'd put on the greens probably swirly ones again and I giggle in the mirror again and you know what I

31:40

made the decision I am not going to argue with my joy um I'm gonna get the purple green ones

31:46

and then it became a snowball Simon I be I kept making decisions like that my

31:52

paper calendar I'd used in my business that was just black and it said weekly calendar you know on the cover I thought

31:59

that was professional and there's nothing wrong with it but it did not bring me joy there it is oh my gosh now

32:07

unless it brings you Joy then that's great honestly but it didn't for me being who I am it

32:14

didn't bring me joy right so I'm going to show you the paper calendar I don't know if everyone is um

32:21

yeah so if you're if you're not watching this this is very very colorful calendar that says the possibilities are endless

32:28

in Wild colors with stars everywhere it's quite something yes yeah and

32:34

um that's my calendar for 2023 and there's pages in there like this between months you know this all colorful and

32:41

with affirming words enjoy the process the outcome you know um so I've just decided and I you know

32:48

as I can see with you I'm still doing paper calendars too I just love them but the point is is that my therapy clients

32:57

you know at first I thought can I use these to schedule they don't look professional but I have decided what's

33:05

most important is that I role model being authentic and I role model my joy

33:11

and I role model courage and encourage my clients to do the same

33:17

and also then they're getting a More Alive vibrant me and so it's become a snowball and so

33:25

that when I wear things it's just all the joy matches and

33:32

um and then by the way after I had been doing this for a few years I began

33:38

getting requests to be an influencer an ambassador for like gorgeous clothing companies

33:44

like oh well that was fun I mean so then the the unexpected gifts start rolling

33:51

in when I'm being myself and I am paying attention to and giving myself what is

33:57

Joyful authentically Joyful to me what I knew as a child

34:03

that's certainly The Power Of Consciousness and awareness and and the the clothing the color the clothing

34:09

thing is such an interesting um topic just for throughout our human evolution you know like you're talking

34:14

about like you know it's an ancient tribal expression and I think back to the to the gear and the clothes I used

34:21

to wear in my in my 20s I used to wear all this red and yellows and bright

34:26

blues oh and I think I I thinking back

34:31

at it I think I used to wear that stuff to to stand out uh because I had some

34:37

maybe like low-grade insecurities about some things and I wanted to stand out to to individuals or it's the fact that

34:44

basically since when I met my wife that all changed I got into like neutral colors and I calmed down a little bit so

34:50

I literally think that the the fact that I was attempting to stand out with all this vibrant color was to basically find

34:57

my partner and once I once I'd done that what the personality had kind of like

35:02

switched and um I find as you find a lot of joy and wondering green spectacles

35:09

and colorful calendars I find my joy in the functionality of such items more

35:14

than the how they look and I think that's just that's obviously that's okay uh and that's just interesting

35:20

um that the differences in how how Joy can be represented in different people and it doesn't look the same for

35:26

everybody but you have to put yourself in a position to be able to to find those and it's certainly a piece about

35:33

settling down and and um recognizing yeah who you truly are and what's maybe not

35:40

maybe what's not serving you with the let's say the masks that we put up

35:46

when we step outside yes I again I just really everything you're

35:52

seeing resonates so much I'd love to add just a PS I want to say at night time

35:57

when I'm tired from the day and I'm changing my clothes again I in the night time tend to wear clothes

36:04

that are more muted and um and like it's almost like closing your eyes to sleep

36:10

it's my sort of version of closing my eyes to rest with the with the more

36:15

muted colors later so I do that and I love that but day and night it's very

36:21

important to me that all my clothes are soft and super comfortable yeah well I think that if you're just to

36:28

look at the the history of human fashion throughout all cultures I think you know

36:33

we think that maybe the fashion industry determines colors and determines Trends

36:39

but that's nonsense it's the seasons and it's our emotional state you know we don't want to be wearing like super

36:44

bright clothing all the time during the winter time because you know that's a time where we should be like thinking

36:50

more about like coziness and warmth from the hibernation and it's got nothing to do with the fashion industry they just

36:55

go along with the quite subconscious cultural fashion Evolution that we've

37:01

all all been involved with and again that's another piece of becoming connected to yourself a little bit more

37:07

because it's very important to work with the seasons because yeah we shouldn't be running around and trying to do all the

37:13

crazy things that we do during the summer when we've got all this energy and there is literally literally like

37:19

more energy coming from the Sun for longer periods of the time during the day so trying to do all those things

37:25

again during the winter is just you know your body and your energy doesn't really shift like that you know our biochemistry changes with the with with

37:31

the winter coming in and you know your clothing would certainly change with that as well so again like another P

37:38

another piece of just how becoming a little bit more conscious of yourself and also how that connects to the cosmos

37:46

and the so when your surroundings and the weather and everything like that like it's another great piece to um

37:52

becoming a little bit more settled in who you are thank you again for that reminder and it's such a

37:59

um perfect time as the season is shifting certainly is yeah when things because

38:07

you people can make great steps towards finding their inner self and finding a

38:12

bit more a bit more courage with with doing that when it's tough when there are times of

38:18

struggle what can we maybe keep in mind to become a little bit Brave and I'll

38:24

use the example of like change when we want to change something be that I want

38:29

to drink less coffee because it's it's messing with my anxiety levels it's messing with my sleep it's messing with

38:35

my digestion you know it says no it's a small example but there will be times where I will

38:40

want to you know go and grab a coffee or I want to do something you know to do some sort of other Behavior but like

38:46

what can I do to like keep in mind and keep him Brave to the authentic decision I've made and my myself there yeah

38:53

bravery encouraged boy isn't that something we all need support around I

38:59

would I want to say just a couple quick things about courage

39:05

um one is that I had the great privilege twice of when Maya Angelou was alive

39:12

just this Wise Wise woman to hear her in a public Arena speak and one of the many

39:19

things she said that I thought was so beautiful is that of all the human virtues courage is the most important

39:26

one to enact because without it we can't act out any of the other virtues

39:33

um the other thing that I've heard is that when we want to do a courageous act it's like having our arms open wide

39:40

walking into something and our knees are shaking right so to Have Courage it's

39:47

nerve-wracking right um but that that's our Human Experience

39:53

so I want to say maybe a couple things about it one to hearken back to something we were talking about earlier

39:59

which is if I want to be doing these Brave steps about something and showing

40:04

up as myself that it's going to be helpful for me to calm my body to do

40:10

some breath work to just be with the body maybe even do a progressive muscle

40:16

relaxation head to toe of tightening a muscle loosening it I'll share with you

40:22

also that speaking of the TV show yesterday this has to do with courage I said to a dear friend of mine who's a

40:29

very experienced public speaker I said oh my gosh I don't know why the

40:35

last time I did this I was not nervous but like it was an hour before and I suddenly had a surge of nerves and I was

40:42

like Susan help and you know what she said to me that her friend Ann Lamont

40:49

who's a writer had had said um when really getting preoccupied with

40:56

well how what do I look like was about to go on and speak and how am I going to appear and how am I get you know all

41:01

these things she said to her we don't have time for that darling it was just

41:08

this guttural grounding like let's remember what this is really about let's

41:14

remember why I'm really showing up and that was so calming to me I just was

41:20

imagining being this as I was driving there this um old woman this old Crone

41:26

who had maybe smoked for years and had this deep crackly voice and you know

41:32

couldn't didn't have any room for any BS just we don't have time for that darling

41:39

like we have bigger things here to do yeah it's bigger than us in some cases

41:44

right yes and so sometimes having a different voice in your head that's really part of you

41:49

like just remembering the point um the other thing I want to say about being courageous is that sometimes like

41:56

it can be a wonderful sort of meditation to say my left hand is my scared hand

42:03

and my right hand is my courageous hand or courageous and compassionate and I'm

42:09

going to put my right hand over my scared left hand and I'm just gonna

42:14

stroke it I'm going to be so kind to my scared self to my scared hand and just

42:22

be with it hold it because that just allows me to somehow soothe that part of

42:28

myself and to remind myself that not all of me is scared some of me is also very wise and capable and compassionate and

42:36

can hold that part beautiful I love that before we finish up can you tell us about your new book

42:43

the relationship book why did you write it and who is it for sure the relationship book I I spent the couple

42:51

years during the primary um Panic really of the pandemic because

42:57

we just really realized we've always realized our relationships matter quite a bit but in the pandemic

43:03

um I think that we realized it even more as we had increased isolation from one another and it was such a testament to

43:11

our resilience and how important we are to each other that we found creative

43:16

ways of crawling back and finding one another through technology through getting a new pet through just different

43:23

things through that getting vaccinations through our beautiful scientists that we

43:30

that we just sort of found out like all the more and I felt very moved to really

43:35

speak to relationships and so in my book I have I cover a number of different

43:42

relationships relationships with myself with food clothing animals humans

43:48

community and divinity and it's all encouraging the reader to

43:55

love themselves as they walk through the pages being intentional reflecting on

44:02

where am I at in these different relationships how can I care for them and how can I care for myself at the

44:08

same time so an example of one of the page spreads from the one of the

44:14

chapters about relationships with human beings is about making a promise to myself that

44:21

whenever I have a conflict or tension with my spouse or with anyone else a new

44:27

promise that I will love myself in that so for example if I say a sharp word to you and I hear

44:35

it and I feel bad I will love myself if I forget to show up to our coffee date I

44:43

will love myself if um you let me down somehow

44:49

and you're not responding to my emotional need I will love myself

44:56

um I will also you know want to show up and apologize and own my part and grow

45:03

and transform and learn as well but I also don't want to miss the step to love

45:09

myself in all of that so that's an example of a page spread but all the

45:14

pages are in full color they're fully illustrated by me when I was young and I

45:20

went from chapter books to no from picture books to chapter books I remember grieving that I thought where

45:27

did the pictures go so I I have brought those back for adults good for you I love it and where can

45:33

people find that and how can people connect with you oh thank You So eventually they'll be on Amazon but

45:39

right now I have them living um at my my website rachellaws.com my

45:45

last name is spelled a-w-e-s and so once you get to my

45:51

website you can click on shop or you can click on my blog or counseling or

45:56

whatever it's just the Hub my social media Pages you know you can find all

46:02

the things from there perfect well I'll make sure that those links are in our show notes so people can check out your book and can check

46:09

out your work and connect with you if they need to but Rachel thank you so much for connecting with us today I

46:15

thought we spoke on some very important soft lovely topics and I really

46:20

appreciate it oh thank you for having me I've deeply and dearly enjoyed this conversation

46:26

as a vile thank you so much Rachel really appreciate it well that is it for this episode of True

46:32

hope because the official podcast of true hope Canada thank you so much for joining us as I said any information in

46:38

regards to connecting with Rachel you can check out the show notes don't forget to subscribe if you haven't yet you can also leave us a review on iTunes

46:44

if you feel like it but that is it for this week and we'll see you soon foreign

46:52

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