0:00

welcome to the show Dr Margie thank you so much for being with us today how are

0:05

you what is going well well I'm doing very fine thank you so much for being on your show it's really

0:10

exciting to be here wonderful wonderful well why don't you just give us an introduction who are you and what is it

0:16

that you do my name is Dr Marcus Gabriel Mula I'm a certified mental health coach I'm also a

0:22

master life coach and master NLP practitioner and I'm also accredited with the international coaching

0:28

Federation as a professional certified coach but I'm also a veterinarian and

0:33

award-winning author so it's quite a combination but now I'm really focusing on the mental health coaching

0:40

wonderful so a lot of coaching going going through your experience and your

0:45

education that's that's amazing yes that's true uh what What's a mental health coach I

0:52

mean just just by hearing it it sounds it sounds awesome it sounds like exactly what we need in the world right now but

0:59

can you explain a little bit more about what what that that means yeah it's a very new field a new new

1:05

part in the field of life coaching and it is much more advanced than the normal life coaching a normal life coaching

1:12

it's like a question and answer you try to help your client but in mental health coaching we go much much deeper actually

1:20

um it is a kind of help for people who have mental health

1:26

concerns and as you correctly said nowadays it is so much needed and so much required and a mental health court

1:33

has a specific training to really go deep in those mental health concerns

1:39

um I'm doing inner Dynamics we can explain it later on but it means that it is not just try to help people to live a

1:47

better life but also to let them for example access some kind of childhood

1:52

trauma to try to process it to heal it because that's one of the root causes of

1:57

mental health concern but the borderline is that as a mental health coach we are

2:03

taking care of clients with mental health concerns that I'm not mental illness and that are not diagnosed as a

2:11

mental illness this is for psychiatrists or counselors so that's where we draw the line

2:16

interesting what's what's a typical client look like for you well for me actually my typical client

2:22

is yeah you can say a businesswoman from the age between 30 to 60 and usually

2:29

these are ladies who have experienced massive childhood trauma because one of

2:35

their parents or both of them were suffering from a mental illness like bipolar disorder or multiple personality

2:42

disorder or schizophrenia so they have been so much traumatized in their

2:47

childhood but they never had the opportunity to process this trauma so this trauma actually keeps them stuck in

2:54

the past in these old patterns they are not able to make peace with their past and it's difficult for them to move

3:00

forward so this trauma is really even affecting their current relationships

3:06

it's making problems with their work because they have never been able to overcome it which affects their

3:12

self-esteem their self-trust their self-confidence and this has a negative impact on their work so that's my

3:19

typical client so I check to help them to access this childhood trauma to start

3:25

to relieve this pain and hurt that has happened in this time and to start to let them understand that yeah they need

3:32

to make peace with their past because otherwise they cannot move forward and the changes is amazing actually well

3:39

that's amazing how how does my father who has this is this is just

3:44

hypothetical my father's got a schizophrenia disorder and how does that affect me as a child and then that leads

3:53

into my like adulthood like obviously as young children we have certain kind of

3:58

safety defense mechanisms that come up for us you know we're kids our brains aren't you know fully developed yet and

4:04

we're you know figuring ourselves out in the world so our our brain will certainly create certain

4:11

uh defensive Pathways to you know keep us from a no significant harm but obviously if that is not

4:19

um if we don't go back to that and work through it like through therapy or through coaching or something then

4:27

that stagnates and that stays with us and can become part of our adulthood and our personality and then potentially we

4:33

we pass that through again to like our children and it keeps going through these Generations so like how can you

4:40

kind of explain to us a little bit how my me as a kid and how my father's

4:45

illness uh would affect me as a young person

4:50

yes that's exactly my story because it was my mother who suffered from schizophrenia

4:56

actually through all this process on my own because there was no mental health coach

5:01

helped me but the point is and this is where the specific area of mental health

5:07

coaching comes in which is called inner Dynamics we call it Parts psychology so

5:13

it's directly bordering to psychotherapy so the point is that when you are a

5:18

child and you have experienced your your father having some kind of yeah schizophrenic episodes you have been

5:26

deeply traumatized because your father talks to people that don't exist he has delusions he has hallucinations but as a

5:33

child you are not able to understand what's going on so you understand it

5:39

more or less in a wrong way you think it's your fault what's happening you feel this yeah

5:46

that you are the root cause for all of this what is happening most of the children do that and because you are so

5:53

deeply hurt and so deeply in pain and these experiences are hugely

5:58

traumatizing you keep those experiences in your subconscious mind so more or less what you do you bury those

6:05

experience in your subconscious mind and sometimes you cannot even remember them consciously so this is where for example

6:12

me now as a mental health coach comes in with inner Dynamics in inner Dynamics we look at a person as

6:19

somebody who has different parts so these parts they coexist and for example

6:25

you know like in daily life you sometimes say ah you know I would like to go to the cinema and the other part

6:30

of me says oh it's so nice to be a couch potato and just to watch a movie and TV so these are parts that are talking we

6:37

say it unconsciously but these are parts inside ourselves different parts of our

6:43

personality that are conflicting now when we have this child to trauma we

6:49

have parts that have been so much hurt that have become so vulnerable that is

6:54

stuck in the past these parts are not developing they stay in this childhood

6:59

age and other parts move in to try to protect you so they try to protect you

7:05

to help you to cope with all those experiences and more or less they try to

7:11

yeah cover up those vulnerable parts so what happens that you cannot access

7:17

those vulnerable parts anymore that have those horrible memories that have those traumatic experiences and that are so

7:24

deeply hurt and that carry a huge burden so those protecting Parts they try to

7:30

help you to protect you that it doesn't happen again that you will not be hurt again to such an extent so this is where

7:37

I come in because I I'm the you can say the facilitation that we start talking to those parts and

7:45

try to yeah to unplant to remove those protector parts that we can access those

7:50

parts that have been so much hard and once we start accessing them then we can

7:56

go back to this memory in the childhood and this even works if you for example you were three or four or five years old

8:02

only and now you're let's say 40 or 50. still we can go back and we can really

8:08

go through this memory together again and try to heal this burden and to let

8:13

this part understand that you're in different situation now you have grown up you live a different life now so we

8:20

try to heal this pain the burden and the hurt and to bring it now into the presence so it's a kind of process but

8:28

it is hugely powerful it's a very very very powerful tool if you know how to do

8:33

it that's why for example me I've been specially trained on this one and the point is once you let you you are

8:41

able to heal those parts and to bring them into the present you really create a life-changing experience for the

8:48

client because all this pain and hurt gets relieved and they start to

8:57

understand that it's not their fault what has happened it was just the father was unlucky actually that he got sick so

9:04

they create it's a kind of new stronger personality they become more resilient

9:10

they become stronger they start to understand what has happened and they are able to process it rationally and

9:16

emotionally so it opens them a new way to deal with other people because it is

9:23

enhancing their self-esteem their self-confidence it removes the stigma of mental illness which is there still

9:30

until today we have this stigma of mental illness in society and it lets them understand that it is not their

9:37

fault and I think this is essential for them to move on so they can start living

9:42

their authentic lives without having the burden of their past and to make peace

9:47

with their past and this is essential to move forward yeah I mean it's so interesting that obviously you know quite young kids I

9:54

have a one and a three year old and I've got experience with you know five years five year olds and six-year-olds and seven-year-olds and it's quite

10:00

interesting in regards to how they see the world and you know they're very you know they they're other than there may

10:07

be parents and some friends they don't have the whole experience of there being you know seven billion people on the

10:12

planet and the planet being huge so you know technically like for them the world especially for my three-year-old son the

10:18

world evolved revolves around them right so they're kind of like very very very

10:23

internal it's all about them and it's a very important part of development don't get me wrong but it would make total

10:29

sense that if something unexplainable was happening say to their father and there were certain outbursts or certain

10:36

behaviors that didn't quite make sense to a three five-year-old whatever um it would make sense that you would

10:43

internalize that as your own fault because the whole world evolves around you right as their age it's very very

10:48

interesting you just you just kind of made me connect those dots but I just a question in regards to you talking about

10:54

that the inner Dynamics and those subconscious um those subconscious um the subconscious

11:01

brain and where we put those things when we're quite young and we can't really digest or explain these things how do

11:06

you begin to access that like 20 years later it is a process I'm not saying it's an

11:13

easy one it's hard work but you start accessing it by letting the client start

11:20

to get in contact with his parts so we are not usually consciously dealing with

11:26

our parts yes we we say yeah one part one's this one part one's that but it is not something that we do consciously so

11:33

the first step is to create this conscious connection with the parts and

11:39

then to identify which parts exist because everybody has different parts you can have a lot of different parts

11:45

you can have 20 30 40 different parts and each one has a different purpose to protect you or to support you there are

11:52

no bad parts ah they are all good they all have a good intention sometimes the intention goes wrong but they they try

11:59

to support you but they do it maybe not in the right way but this is the first step then you try once you start to

12:06

create this connection with the parts then you try to too yeah remove a bit

12:12

these protector Parts which means you try we call it unblending you push them a little bit away to give you space to

12:20

be able to start connecting with those vulnerable Parts which are deep deep down and they are really really hidden

12:26

and once you're able to do that and you work with them then in the end you start connecting with all your parts and then

12:34

once you connect with all your parts and you start to move everything a bit out then you are able to connect with your

12:40

inner self and that's the ultimate goal the inner self is your your core being

12:46

the real you the real you without any single layer so this is really you so we

12:54

try to connect you with this one as the ultimate goal plus to heal all those burdens that you carry and it is a

13:01

process for some people it goes faster for others it takes more time but it is hugely liberating once you are

13:09

able first of all to access those parts it's it's amazing to see the clients how they start understanding ah this is why

13:17

I'm doing this in this way because it is this part that's telling me you know

13:22

sometimes even you have anger or resentment it is a part that it tells

13:27

you to do that so uh in the end yes we try to go to this inner self and it it

13:33

is it is fascinating because this is the place where you really feel at peace

13:39

where you feel Serenity calmness and where you are really you and this is

13:45

where we want to go so um it's a fascinating process even me as a mental

13:50

health coach I never know how we go because it just develops there is no roadmap you take it part by part one at

13:58

a time and it's a fascinating process and it really changes the life of the

14:03

clients because it's the first time they do is usually and the impact it has is

14:09

hugely hugely powerful because they start to understand what has happened in their childhood they can process it they

14:16

can start to heal it and sometimes you know they even say now I can feel this burden lifting from my heart so even the

14:24

language says that the burden starts to lift and these are those parts that we are yeah

14:30

feeling that we are bringing in the presence so it's fascinating actually yeah it sounds like it would be quite

14:35

unusual for an adult unless they were working with a coach or going through something very serious for them to actually like go through the process of

14:43

like you know going back and working through a particular trauma because you

14:49

know something did happen to us that we were actually conscious of like when we're like five years old so a parent passing away or something and then

14:55

another parent being really depressed we would be aware of that situation going on I'm sure our mind would

15:01

um fill in kind of the blanks as we're quite young but we would certainly as adults we probably wouldn't really

15:07

revisit that with like a fresh new mind that you would have as an adult you know your brain your brain would literally be

15:14

completely new at that point so being able to go back with the support of with

15:20

the support of a practitioner to go back to that that time and actually look at it with kind of look at that whole

15:25

situation with fresh eyes certainly sounds like it would be very eye-opening and impactful and once you recognize

15:32

that yeah the brain fills in so many of these details for us that might not necessarily be true and when we're young

15:39

I've said it before like you know we are quite selfish individuals and we believe the world is you know The World Is Ours

15:45

um so yeah going back going back with fresh eyes as an adult and having a little bit more maybe let's just say

15:51

adult perspective on that situation and recognizing that you know especially if a parent is going through something very

15:56

very serious be that pathological or not then it's not our fault and there's

16:02

certainly like a significant um amount of being able to like let go of of all of the emotions and thoughts

16:08

and behaviors kind of wrapped up in all of that and I'm sure it like it liberates a whole lot of people

16:14

um their typical adult behaviors that we see um in those individuals that do have

16:20

like evidence of like that clear trauma or they're things that we do as adults that would like you know like kind of like

16:26

like red flags or like do you know what I mean yes I know exactly what you mean before I answer

16:32

this I just want to come back to what you just said now um it's absolutely true it is not easy

16:38

to revisit it and I would certainly not recommend it to do it on your own you need a qualified help a qualified

16:44

therapist or coach who can guide you through this process and who knows exactly where you are in this process to

16:51

help you through the process so I would never do it alone on myself I wouldn't recommend this because

16:57

you cannot really understand this process on your own and you need a

17:02

helping hand for this so I think that is essential to say now what you said about the red flags totally right there are

17:08

several red flags some of them are for example that you feel this guilt that it

17:15

was your fault and this Guild really doesn't leave you sometimes even you have this resentment or anger or rage

17:23

why this happened to me why my parent did this to me so even this resentment

17:29

and rage can stay and it is impacting the relationships with other people because you are not able to see

17:35

relationships in a correct way because you are tainted by the memory and you

17:40

take things from a wrong perspective often uh adult children of mentally ill

17:46

parents have problems with their self-confidence their self-esteem sometimes they have imposter syndrome

17:52

for example at work because deep down they think they made something

17:58

wrong and they don't deserve it to be happy they don't deserve it to be successful it cannot be because of those

18:04

experiences so that's another point and a lot of them are simply not able to

18:09

forgive their parent and some of them simply they don't want to have anything to do with the parent they want to cut

18:16

off the contact completely because they think that's the solution um

18:21

they are not able to build relationships that are built on trust and that's so

18:28

important because they never had this trusting relationship with the parent and even often they have problems to do

18:35

a good parenting themselves with their own children because they didn't have the role model of the parent when the

18:42

parent got sick doesn't matter if it was the father or the mother the parent was not able anymore to take

18:49

the role as a parent owned so the child had to become you can say the parent of

18:56

his parents like this because the parent wasn't able to fulfill this role anymore so because this role model has changed

19:04

and the child has grown up with this they are not learning how correct parenting has to be done and it is very

19:11

often affecting the relationship with their own children so there are different things

19:18

um personal and then even with relationships that are so deeply impacted by those traumatic experiences

19:24

and that are really red flags and they are not conscious I mean these are things that are so deeply ingrained in

19:32

in the clients actually that they are not even aware of those patterns they

19:38

are following because they cannot connect the dots between their current behavior or the way how they parents

19:46

their children often in a wrong way or how they deal with their partner their spouse or even their work colleague and

19:52

they cannot connect those dots with the child to trauma and that's where I come in as a mental health coach first of all

19:58

to connect those dots and to work on it too yeah clear it up honestly like when you say like guilt

20:06

self-confidence issues um parental issues trust issues with relationships I think that's like 60 of

20:14

the population of the planet and and that and that you know honestly that makes sense because like you know I

20:21

don't think anyone comes out of childhood unscathed you know in regards to like physical or psychological I

20:27

don't want to say abuse but like you know we all experience trauma in different ways and um I don't think I

20:33

mean we even when parents do their very very best you know they're they're nobody parents perfectly let's just put

20:40

it that way you know and it's also like an interesting um learning experience to be parented

20:45

and then you kind of like want to come out of that and can you successfully build relationships can you be kind of

20:52

guilt-free do you have confidence and yeah like just when you're saying those flags you know I I can I know a bunch of

20:58

people that fall into that category but they would never ever think that they would have a mental all

21:04

issue mental health issue in regards to that past trauma and certainly wouldn't think to hiring somebody to rectify that

21:11

even though they certainly would benefit from it because yeah like holding on to like those I'm

21:18

gonna call them like negative emotions like that guilt and that that lack of self-confidence and those

21:24

um the distrust those particular emotions or behaviors they hold a very

21:30

specific energetic frequency that um doesn't doesn't serve us as as human

21:38

beings to like you know to advance ourselves forward and to evolve and to do great things and to certainly you

21:43

know build relationships and be able to um rebuild them after you know like you

21:49

know a parent does go through something like that and then you're an adult and you're just like annoyed and angry with your parents for like 10 20 years and

21:56

then you might have kids and you might realize oh my gosh like having kids is like the hardest thing ever on the planet and like you start having empathy

22:03

you start having forgiveness you start having compassion and gratitude for your parents and hopefully that that

22:08

experience of being a parent yourself and you know having to they pay the bills and to get have have a job and

22:15

work called and experience how life is super super difficult and you're able to

22:21

like start thinking back to your childhood and having a little bit more empathy and compassion for your parents

22:27

and I feel like that's a really big that must be a big part of the process because once you can start digesting those traumatic

22:33

um relationships or traumatic situations that you had in your childhood when you're an adult you can start

22:39

translating them with those like elevated emotions of joy happiness love gratitude you know that carries such a

22:45

beautiful one wonderful energetic frequency then people are able to start like maybe forgiving themselves and

22:51

forgiving other people and then start having different neurological Pathways within their thoughts within their

22:57

emotions with their behaviors and yeah it's just it's just interesting you listed those red flags and it's like so

23:03

many people have that and I think so many people could benefit from even even

23:09

if they're on this like the low end of the scale having like a mental health issue rather than having someone like

23:14

really traumatic at the other side could seriously benefit from like working with somebody like you just to

23:22

you know start creating some forgiveness yes exactly and that's the point because

23:29

so many people are not aware of why they're having as you said these

23:35

negative emotions and why it is affecting them because as you said they cannot connect the dots and it doesn't

23:41

have to be such a tremendous traumatic experience like with a parent who has a

23:46

mental illness I mean that's that's massive I mean this is devastating for a child to to to say it it's an ordeal not

23:54

everybody has those massive experiences but as a child even so-called smaller

23:59

negative experiences can have a traumatic impact and this can have a lasting traumatic impact and that's why

24:08

I believe that the main issue is that people need to be able to say first of

24:15

all yes I have an issue and I need help and it is okay to ask for help because

24:21

still until today when we talk about any kind of mental health concern I'm not talking even about mental health mental

24:27

illness even Mental Health concerns are still stigmatized in our society if you

24:33

have a broken leg you go to a hospital you get a nice surgery your leg will heal and everything is fine but if you

24:39

have those kind it is not accepted by Society because we

24:45

have to function perfectly in our mind and it doesn't have it it is not I mean

24:51

one in five people in the whole world is suffering from a mental illness I mean

24:56

these are huge figures and these are real illnesses I'm not talking about mental health concerns I talk about real

25:02

illnesses so the number is huge but until now it is not accepted in society and if this starts to change then

25:10

everybody as you said who has those red flags even if there were smaller traumas

25:16

in their childhood they would be able to ask for help like mental health coaches who are specialized in this because they

25:23

get a new quality of living actually once they are able to work through this

25:29

because it is changing the way how they see themselves they get a different

25:34

perspective what has happened and the relationship with other people changes completely

25:40

and I mean in the end all of us we deserve a happy healthy life

25:45

without having all these constraints without having all these negative

25:50

emotions and I think it is really time that this is changing and that's why I

25:57

believe for a lot of people the concept of mental health coaching is something pretty weird because they don't know

26:03

about it yet uh but I think it has to change because

26:09

this is so helpful if you can go for somebody who can help you and who

26:14

specialized in doing this it is really changing your life and uh

26:20

to go back to this childhood trauma it's not an easy path but once you do it

26:27

and you are able to access it and process it and understand that no matter

26:33

what has happened either with a parent with mental illness or any other kind of incident that was so massive in your

26:39

childhood once you are able to understand it and look at it from a different perspective

26:44

then things will change because you are able to forgive you are able to change the patterns in which you live you are

26:52

able to to move forward from those past experiences and that's the only way how things are working out actually

26:59

yeah I mean I see a very interesting pattern in regards to the the rise of um

27:04

or the need for different types of therapists with that mental health coaches or

27:10

psychotherapists or you know or psychiatrists like I think it's so important that we do

27:17

have these individuals out there because we just people are craving them these days because just when it comes to

27:23

relationships they were talking about having like trust issues and relationships and connections with people especially like in larger

27:29

countries and when the Western World we have this very very we have this huge disconnect it's kind of everything like

27:35

to the natural world to our families to um our friends or or just people we

27:42

don't know who are actually part of our community but we like you know we we isolate them and we create disconnect and we kind of do it quite deliberately

27:49

and so it makes total sense that we we would have more people requiring you

27:56

know whether that be extreme therapy or like kind of like low level therapy and it's at the end of the day it's communication it's talking it's like

28:02

expressing yourself and getting these things literally off your chest and speaking with somebody who is maybe not

28:08

like your partner or a family member or you know like um somebody who you can you know who can

28:15

look at it but like with no judgment or like knowing you too well you know can sometimes just be completely so much

28:21

easier to talk to a complete stranger and it makes total sense to me that like this we see we clearly see this Rising

28:29

mental issue mental health issues and we see this rise of therapists that need to get out there and support these

28:34

individuals and it just goes to show that um these kind of like larger larger cities

28:39

or larger countries that we have and this this disconnect we have of individuals it just goes like just even

28:45

chatting to your neighbor and getting connected with other people you can start to have understanding and empathy

28:50

for other people because everyone's kind of like everyone's going through tough times everyone's got their own stuff and you

28:58

know and everyone's just probably most people are just trying to do their best and yeah it's interesting the hot that

29:04

whole that the word Mentor I don't know it just it's an interesting word I think that

29:10

when we can't you know you said bro like a broken leg like I can I can kind of see the damage of a broken leg with my

29:16

with my eyes but I can't I can't see depression I can't see anxiety I can't see schizophrenia like inside my head I

29:23

can't see the actual matter in my mind like being damaged and causing those

29:29

things so we have a big misunderstanding of the things that we can't experience with our senses I feel like I've

29:35

mentioned this in every podcast episode the fact that we're quite we're very lit we have very limited senses and we try

29:41

to explain everything in regards to that and then when we can't actually see it feel it taste it or touch it then it

29:48

becomes a little bit more like mysterious so when it comes to like mental health or I might have depression I might have anxiety it's so much more

29:54

difficult for us to internalize that or even express that outwards because we can't we can't see

30:02

it and it's it's just yeah it's it's like it's almost like it's mysterious and we obviously don't the the science

30:07

of the brain is evolving all of the time I don't think we really know anything about the brain in regards to its

30:12

capacity like maybe one percent of like considering so we're learning all the time of kind of like how it works but at

30:19

the end of the day we know what's good for the mind and communication and um connecting with

30:26

other people and trying to hold yourself with compassion love and joy is certainly going to benefit a lot of people

30:31

yes I totally agree so one of the problems is when we talk about

30:37

nothing related to the mind or mental mental mental health mental illness mental disorders uh it is always

30:45

yes we cannot really fully understand it or most of the people can't and in the

30:50

same time the stigma is still strong I mean when we think about when we talk about people who have mental problems

30:56

immediately people were saying those people are crazy they will be outcasts

31:01

um they are abnormal and they might be dangerous and this is what is still in

31:07

the mind of people and this is something that is centuries old I mean when we go

31:12

back even in the medieval times yeah people were crazy then they found the witches but

31:20

that's exactly the point that this is still so deeply ingrained in people's

31:25

minds that's the idea what they have and this is still the stigma that exists out

31:31

there and I think podcasts like your podcasts are essential to start changing

31:36

these patterns changing the awareness and creating and understanding that as

31:42

you said when you have a broken leg you have a right to see a doctor if you have let's say a broken mind or an issue with

31:49

your mind you also have a right to see your doctor and it should be accepted by society and it doesn't mean you are

31:55

crazy it doesn't mean you you are abnormal it simply means you need help

32:00

and this is where things have to move forward and podcasts like yours are a

32:06

great step in moving things forward to create this awareness because as you said so many more people are suffering

32:13

nowadays from mental health issues and when we go back in the old days you had big families with aunties uncles Grandpa

32:22

grandfather and everybody live together so you had a kind of social network a protective family Network nowadays

32:29

people are living alone in big cities uh they never see even their neighbors they have this social isolation they have

32:35

this loneliness and that's one of the big contributing factor factors also to

32:41

have those mental health issues so these things have to change and that's also

32:48

one point yes where we come in as mental health coaches to help and to support and to try to create a change yeah I

32:56

don't think we can really change or begin to heal

33:01

any type of trauma unless we ask for help and it usually takes getting to a

33:07

point of like like something serious happens in your life maybe the death of a loved one or

33:13

you do get diagnosed with something serious you know before we actually start thinking that I do need to make a

33:20

big like change in my life because I don't know why it's very very interesting um conversation but like why most people

33:28

have a huge problem with asking for help or support um as you were talking there like it

33:34

wasn't so long ago where we would have three four generations of a family living together helping and supporting

33:41

each other like organically and now like we're so far away from that it's disturbing that um

33:48

asking for help is like a sign of weakness and like trying to maybe like rest your mind or your body is a sign of

33:55

weakness because we're supposed to be busy we're supposed to be like stressed we're supposed to be yeah like it's why

34:01

whenever whenever I go back to England and I speak to some friends that like work in London like it's almost like who

34:07

can be the most stressed is like the most successful and I'm like dude when you hit 50 and you have when you have to

34:14

go to the doctor and you've got like something seriously you have like adrenal cancer or something that's going

34:20

to be your change point and you're going to look back and you're going to reflect and you are going to hopefully

34:26

um be able to put your ego aside and ask for the help and support that you need and you're gonna have to hold yourself with compassion then it's going to be

34:33

difficult it's going to be hard but the beginning of that road certainly starts with like putting your hands out and

34:39

saying listen I can't do this on my own I need I need some support I need some help here and I think that

34:44

[Music] there's an interesting time in our like adulthood like kind of like from I don't

34:50

know 16 17 18 to I don't know sometimes now it seems like it's getting later and later especially with men

34:56

um like into their like late 30s when they just try and take the world on on their own and they take too much on and

35:02

asking for help is like you know not okay but without question like asking

35:09

for help or like saying oh I don't know the answer to this like you know like I I love not knowing stuff I love

35:16

um asking people like what these things are even when people like um assume I should know it

35:22

uh you know it's it's quite liberate it's quite it's very very liberating to be able to say oh I didn't I didn't know

35:28

that that's interesting that's made me thought about thing in a completely different way just that approach of like knowing that I don't know everything and

35:34

like just listening more it's completely revolutionized my life and my mind and my ability to communicate with people

35:40

because you know usually most people want to um can't wait for their part of the

35:46

conversation to ramp up again where they can just start talking rather than like being able to like be open to to

35:52

listening open to your your thoughts and beliefs and you know whatever being being challenged or like maybe changing

36:00

and um just one more thing because I want to talk about mindfulness because it's obviously a huge part of the work but

36:07

like just when you were I think that we do a huge disservice to our children and then our adults in regards to not

36:13

teaching them about like how our brain works and like what we do know anyway in regards to the physiology the nervous

36:19

system and how you know if a child does have a parent with a mental health

36:24

disorder and they are experiencing uh certain types of like negative

36:31

emotions or trauma like consistent on a consistent basis that will end up becoming their reality because this is

36:37

like a neuro these are neural Pathways that like fire and wire together and unless something changes and a new input

36:44

is you know repeated and trained you will inevitably grow into an adult with

36:49

that same Pathway to guilt or to feel to anger or to rage like that will literally be set in physical matter not

36:56

like Airy Fairy stuff it's literally physically there and unless you want to become less judgmental or less fearful

37:03

or less angry you have to do the work and literally train like you would muscles in the gym to change them you

37:10

actually have to do that work but we do to do this huge disservice and not teaching kids about that in schools and

37:16

know that they actually have the ability to change things about them they might not like and that might not serve them

37:22

so I think that's a huge important piece as well but like you know you're an educator you're out there you're doing

37:27

that as well but you know it's a shame that we have to do this to like 30 year old 40 year old adults rather than them

37:33

knowing themselves and giving them the The Compassion to recognize that okay maybe I am like this because of that but

37:40

you know maybe I can maybe I can totally change that I totally agree with you and I'm also

37:46

mindfulness practitioner and I do a mindfulness group every two weeks and it

37:52

is about teaching the group participants to be more mindful in their daily life

37:58

and to break this cycle of stress of as you said before running like a machine

38:04

that has to work constantly non-stop without taking any break without any fault without breaking down and yeah

38:13

it sounds like my coffee machine but in our days they have to

38:21

have to so the idea of mindfulness is actually not just to bring people in the

38:27

present moment but how to bring them in the present moment and the idea is not just to do some meditation it is even to

38:35

take one or two or three minutes out in between just to do some breathing exercises to listen to the breath or

38:42

even just when you are walking to the office to look at your surroundings to see the trees to see the flowers to slow

38:49

down a bit because this can break the cycle of your neurons it can break the cycle of stress and it gives you a

38:56

different perspective and like when I did my last mindfulness class for example I did apart from the mindfulness

39:02

always I do a special meditation mindfulness meditation with the participants and last time I did a it's

39:09

called loving kindness meditation of the body so you start to accept yourself again as you are with

39:16

your good part your bad parts maybe you have a problem in your feet or in your knees I was interesting after we did all

39:23

of that one of the participants also a man said you know it's the first time in 35 years

39:30

that I could hear my heart beat no get the point I mean we are so focused

39:37

in working like a machine that we are not even listening to our heartbeat we are not listening to our breath we are

39:43

not listening to ourselves and that's the idea where mindfulness comes in to break this patterns of stress of of all

39:52

this which comes as external influences that we start again listening and hearing our thoughts our mind our body

40:01

that we feel these feelings the sensations the emotions that we have in

40:06

a non-judgmental way just to know they are here and to have this curiosity what

40:12

is going on inside us why do we react now in this very moment as we do and to

40:18

slow down to take a break to take a step back and really to to listen what is

40:25

going on inside us and this helps to create a healthier mind because once we

40:31

are able to listen to what our thoughts are to to feel our emotions our

40:37

Sensations we are more in tune with ourselves and we start again to

40:42

reconnect with our internal selfies our inner core self and I think this is essential also

40:50

to create healthy minds and to to become stronger and I mean even it is

40:56

scientifically proven for example that you improve your cognitive function you reduce your blood pressure

41:02

you reduce stress you improve your immune system when you do mindfulness or mindfulness meditations so it has a

41:09

positive impact and it is amazing to see how disconnected people are and how much

41:16

they experience even when we do this one hour class how much they can experience

41:21

suddenly their feelings their Sensations and their in a being and it is

41:27

fascinating to see and if it would do this more even during our normal working

41:33

time even two three minutes why we go for a lunch break uh just to do a few

41:38

breathing exercises we will feel much better we reduce stress and we calm down

41:43

again and we calm our mind we relax our mind beautiful yeah I think so much of what

41:49

we think feel and do is completely subconscious and our body is literally like taking

41:56

our mind day-to-day controlling it kind of like

42:02

90 for 95 of it goes just past our awareness and we just do these things

42:07

because we're constantly like looking forward to you know the what we're going

42:13

to do in like our day and like we're worrying about this and worrying about that and it's just absolutely impossible

42:18

to even think about like the present moment or even looking at back at the past to you know try and re to resolve

42:26

things it's impossible to do that when we're constantly thinking about and stressed about the

42:32

future and like what we're going to do and how we're going to do it and when our mind is completely

42:38

unconscious you know like and yeah like I remember reading some interesting statistics about like 95 of what we

42:44

think feel and do is just like you know it's a subconscious program that's just running completely without our awareness

42:50

and then when we do introduce them like absolutely ancient practices of

42:55

mindfulness and meditation and like yoga and all these things and you can just look at how difficult it is for most

43:01

people to sit still for five minutes you know with their with their Awareness on like maybe their third eye or they put

43:07

their awareness like or they scan their body and do stuff you know like so so difficult for people in regards to do

43:12

that and very uncomfortable for them because their body is so used to carrying them through the world that

43:19

having to sit down and control their physical bodies like the mind is beginning to take over a little bit and

43:24

like controlling the body to say sit down stay relaxed stay present and then your mind drifts off to the other things

43:31

that you should be doing and then you have to like bring it back to the like present moment and it takes so much practice because we've practiced

43:37

ourselves out of doing that and as you say like you do these incredible

43:42

like mindfulness practices and you know I have a lot of experience with it myself and it's revolutionized the way

43:47

that I walk through my day-to-day um you just see things you just see things different you see the colors of

43:54

the leaves you know you you're able to take a minute and appreciate so much other things and then you're

43:59

experiencing more you know positive positive emotions day to day rather than

44:05

just like just missing the beauty of life and yeah it can be quite quite astounding in regards to what it can do

44:11

for your physical health your mental health and your ability to you know heal those past things that are energetically

44:17

and keeping you keeping you stuck in the past and certainly as far away from the

44:23

present moment as possible absolutely and you you know when I

44:29

started with mindfulness actually I realized how beautiful our surroundings

44:34

if you see a little bird somewhere singing in the trees you start realizing it consciously and it removes everything

44:42

from your mind you just focus on it and you start again to appreciate and to become more grateful and once you do

44:50

this you feel personally so much better so much more joyful so much happier uh

44:56

that it really creates a change and this kind of joy and this kind of happiness

45:01

is nothing that money can buy it is something that is around you that you have accessible each single moment of

45:09

your day just you need to become aware of it you need to become to to open yourself to see it and to accept it and

45:17

to let it come in and then it is changing the way how you go through your day it makes everything so much better

45:23

and it puts things into relation even if you have a stressful day or you have a lot of trouble or you have a fight with

45:30

somebody but then when you see this it brings it into perspective and I think that's so much needed nowadays in our

45:37

stressful lives and it is changing the way how we live and it is changing the

45:42

way how we experience things how we experience the beauty around us and it's accessible like at any point in

45:50

time you can stop and take breaths you can stop and meditate literally at any time it's free to do it you might need

45:56

to practice a little bit with the practitioner or a program or an app or something but you've got the power to

46:03

literally control your nervous system and your conscious mind with with with

46:09

with breath it's so simple and so easy and maybe that's a difficult thing for people to maybe like understand but you

46:15

know yeah until people kind of really like hit that like climax of of struggle that their physical or mental body just

46:22

like can't deal with it anymore usually when people start to become a little bit more aware of like how they're thinking

46:27

how they're feeling and how they're behaving and how that's kind of like holding them back from feeling awesome

46:32

because we all deserve to do that and uh yeah that's interesting well how can

46:38

people connect with you I'd like I could talk to you all day about all these different types of topics and I've got so many questions I missed today but

46:44

maybe we can get you back on the show but how can people connect with you well they cannot can connect with me

46:50

through my website www.coachforementalhealth.com so they can send me an email info at coach for

46:58

mentalhealth.com they can also connect through my Instagram and Facebook um or through Linkedin and I'm always

47:04

happy to help and to answer questions or to to give a guiding hand because uh I

47:10

think it is really needed nowadays and it's not just as we said some people

47:17

they really hit the point they really hit rock bottom where they know they need to change something and that's why

47:24

you have people like me who has mental health coaches to do that but they can reach out to me as I said through my

47:30

website through my email and through my social medias that's beautiful yeah and I think it's so important with a big

47:36

part of this podcast is I want to create some education some motivation some inspiration for people to take those

47:42

steps before they hit that like Rock Bottom you know and because that can be a challenging place to come back from

47:48

it's also you know potentially a place of Enlightenment and and change to step into the unfamiliar but um you know

47:55

there are there are certainly we don't there are certainly people out there that experience their trauma their pain and

48:01

their stress for decades before before that moment so hopefully we can inspire people to maybe take that step a little

48:06

bit earlier because you know life's beautiful it's fragile it's short and we

48:12

should you know try and spend it spend it within as much uh joy and happiness as possible but thank you so much for

48:19

coming on the show today I really really appreciate I'm so glad that you exist and that your job exists and you're out

48:24

there doing this wonderful wonderful thing like you're serving the world so so well and I appreciate that energy

48:30

that you put out into it thank you so much and if somebody would like for example to join the mindfulness

48:35

sessions that I do they are for free on Mondays so they can also do that that

48:41

they can join in through the website join the group and it is an offer as you say for somebody who who might really

48:48

need some help and I'm always happy to help because I think it's really needed and to see the change it's the most

48:55

beautiful reward for me and I really see how I can change lives of people that's magical thank you so much I will

49:01

make sure that in the show notes for the uh for this this episode that will have connections to your website and I'll try

49:07

and find a link to that mindfulness page as well and so people can check that out if they want to but thank you so much

49:12

again thank you so much it was lovely to be on the show and good luck for your podcast and it's so valuable for everybody out

49:20

there thank you so much beautiful thank you well that is it for this episode the true hypercast the official podcast of

49:25

true hope Canada don't forget to check the show notes to connect with Dr Margaret and don't forget to subscribe

49:30

if you haven't yet you can leave us a review on iTunes if you wish but that is it for this week we'll see you soon

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